While Harry was 'Sleeping'
by Nicole11
Summary: It's amazing how much trouble you can get your love life into in a matter of days. Ron/Hermione *COMPLETE*
1. I Wonder If It Rattles When You Shake It

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story except the plot. But I would be willing to trade that for any of the MALE characters in Harry Potter. Just something to think about, Mrs. Rowling. Plus, Stacy (mysterywriter) helped me with this whole story (plus many others) when I got writers block (which ALWAYS happens).  
  
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Chapter 1: I Wonder If It Rattles When You Shake It  
  
Hermione sat in her office, not liking the way papers kept piling up on her desk, threatening to come tumbling to the ground at any second. She had recently been promoted to head of management in the Ministry of Magic. So, basically, she was Fudge's bitch. Doing his filing, fixing things he messed up (which happened A LOT), and doing other shit Fudge felt he was too good to do.  
  
But the Mount Everest that was her paper work was almost welcoming to Hermione. She always found losing herself in pointless work comforting. That's what she had always done in school, and, now after five years out in the real world, she wasn't planning on changing her method any day soon. You see, this way of burying herself in work was what Hermione had done since first year. Since the day she met Ronald Weasley. Let's see... I think this calls for a little background check.  
  
Hermione Granger had been in love with Ron since the day of Halloween during her first year. She had always thought him to be a stupid red head who laughed at things he didn't understand. But he not only saved her life during the troll incident (she conveniently left Harry out of the picture), but he showed what a loyal friend he was. Unfortunately, Ron, like most men, was completely oblivious to what was standing right in front of him. Instead, he dated every girl in London, searching for his true love. What he didn't know was that she was right there, sitting in the cubical next to his, buried in paper work up to her knees.  
  
But, since Ron was blinder then my grandma Schubert (wow, totally put a random character in there), Hermione was forced to hold back the urges that came over her when he simply ran his fingers though his hair. His wicked smile set her loins on fire. And that body... God, that body. She couldn't even think of adjectives worthy enough to be used to describe Ron's killer body.  
  
But, as more and more girl's numbers were being added to Ron's little black book, Hermione's emotions were pulled to their breaking point. She couldn't take another heart break. She couldn't handle another blond haired, big boobs, anorexic bitch being surgically attached to Ron's arm. Not again. A heart can only be broken so many times before it turns to dust. And that's what Hermione's heart did. All of her emotions and love for everything and everyone around her vanished. And she was left with an empty chest, and blackened soul. And Ron was too busy looking for his next girlfriend to notice.  
  
"Come on Hermione," Came Ron's voice as he entered Hermione's office. She ignored him, and continued typing on her computer. "Let's go to lunch."  
  
"It's ten thirty in the morning, Ron." Hermione said in an annoyed voice, not looking up from her computer screen as she continued to type.  
  
"But I'm hungry." He pleaded, pulling on her arm.  
  
Hermione shook him off and said, "You're always hungry."  
  
"And you always work." Ron pointed out. "Come on, I want you to met someone." He said in a voice that made Hermione die once more. He wanted her to met one of his girlfriends.  
  
"I already met Christy." Hermione said.  
  
"Not her." Ron said dismissively, waving his hand. Oh God. Hermione thought to herself. Not another one.  
  
"Who is it this time?" Hermione asked in a bored voice.  
  
"Her names Brigit." Ron said dreamily. Hermione wanted to vomit. "She's absolutely amazing. You'll love her." He said, pulling on her arm once more. Hermione knew that she was fighting a losing battle. He would plead and beg and show her those puppy dog eyes, and she would finally cave in. So why stall it when it was fate?  
  
Hermione abandoned her computer, told her secretary she was going out to lunch, and reluctantly Apparated with Ron to Diagon Alley.  
  
"Where did you meet this one?" Hermione asked as they started toward the café they were meeting Brigit at.  
  
"She's a model, and was visiting London. We just met at a pub." Ron said, looking around for his girlfriend. Hermione knew who he was talking about now. Brigit was this stupid chick who once went out with Fudge. It was disgusting, considering the very big difference in their ages. And the fact that Fudge was a fat pig who was only a womanizer because he was 'famous.' "There she is." He said, pointing to a gorgeous blond who was sitting in an outdoor café.  
  
Hearing Brigit talk about her modeling (... 'Some people think that modeling is easy, you just have to walk up and down a run way. But it's more then that. You have to smile too.') and the charity groups she helps (... 'Whenever I see pictures of those little kids in different countries, I just want to cry. I mean, I wish I was that skinny.') and her dog Chi Chi and her agent and even what she had for breakfast (... 'a stick of gum. Sugar free of course.') became a quiet buzzing in Hermione's ear. She was too busy trying to hide the look of disgust that was threatening to show on her face.  
  
How can a woman with such a small waist support those boobs?! I'm pretty sure that, unless they're filled with air, like her head, then she should have snapped in half by now...... Oh God, this girl has the IQ of a button. I wonder if there is even any molecule of a brain in that big blond head of hers..... Maybe it's just filled with rocks..... I wonder if it rattles when you shake it........ Arg! She practically flashed me when she bent across the table for the salt. Where does she shop? Baby Gap?  
  
But Hermione's thoughts were rudely interrupted when her cell phone rang.  
  
"Excuse me a second." Hermione said, getting up from the table and thanking Merlin someone had the decency to call her when she was in a situation like this.  
  
"Hello?" Hermione said, glancing over at Ron and Brigit. Yep, just as she had predicted, as soon as she left, they started making out. Hermione turned her back on them, wishing that a strong breeze would come and blow Brigit away. Far *far* away.  
  
"Ms. Granger?" Came Fudge's voice. Halleluiah! He wanted her back at work! She actually had a reason to leave! And now she could bury herself in her work again, unaware of the world around her.  
  
"You and Mr. Weasley need to come down to Mr. Potter's house right away." Fudge said in a rushed voice. He sounded worried.  
  
"What's wrong...?" Hermione asked cautiously.  
  
"Mr. Potter has been... attacked." Fudge said. Hermione hung up her phone and ran over to their table, knowing that Voldemort had something to do with this.  
  
"We have to go." Hermione said, grabbing Ron's arm and pulling him away from Brigit. She wanted to stay and relish the look of anger and jealousy on Brigit's face, but now wasn't the time nor the place to dance around happily or yell, "go to hell bitch" over her shoulder. Now was the time to go and help Harry... if there was still a Harry left to help.  
  
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A/N: The line 'A heart can only break so many times before it turns to dust' is from the story Fellytones and Fuzzy Slippers: A Love Story by the Treacle Tart. Read it, it's a great story.  
  
BTW: If you want me to e-mail you when I update, just tell me your e-mail address in the review. I'd be happy to ( 


	2. I Didn't Know The Devil Wore Gucci

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story except the plot. But I would be willing to trade that for any of the MALE characters in Harry Potter. Just something to think about, Mrs. Rowling. Plus, Stacy (mysterywriter) helped me with this whole story (plus many others) when I got writers block (which ALWAYS happens).  
  
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Chapter 2: I Didn't Know the Devil Wore Gucci  
  
When Hermione and Ron arrived at Harry's apartment, it was already filled to a breaking point with doctors and Ministry of Magic people. Fudge quickly found them, and tried to explain. But before he could say anything, Hermione cut in.  
  
"Where's Harry?" She asked sternly, loving the way Fudge shuddered at her forcefulness.  
  
"He's in his bedroom." Fudge said. "But I don't think you should go in there." But Hermione didn't care. She pushed past her boss and a silent, but impressed Ron followed her.  
  
There were so many people around Harry's bed, Hermione felt like she'd need a machete to cut though them all. She was finally able, after standing on her tip toes, to see Harry lying on his bed. He looked like he was sleeping. Everything looked okay, no cuts or bruises. Except for his scar. It was glowing green. Ron and Hermione pushed past a couple other doctors, and were at the side of Harry's bed. Fudge, the little leech that he was, slide up next to Hermione and said, "It was Voldemort."  
  
No shit, Sherlock. "Really?" Hermione asked, succeeding in keeping all of the sarcasm out of her voice. She didn't want to be unemployed any time soon.  
  
"Yes." Fudge said wisely. Hermione held back the urge to roll her eyes. "He attacked Harry." God! Did this guy know anything that was of importance to her?!  
  
"Is he alright?" Ron asked, a look of deep concern in his eyes. Hermione couldn't help but hope that he would feel the same when she was hurt. But she doubted it. They were friends, but she was no Brigit. Hermione bet that he would cry his eyes out if Brigit so much as got a paper cut. But, not to worry Ron, plastic doesn't scratch easily.  
  
Fudge sighed loudly and said, "He's alive." Yet again Sherlock, I must tell you; no shit. "But he is unconscious. The doctors said that there is nothing they can do. He will wake up when he feels good and ready. So, since the doctors are of no use to Mr. Potter right now, we don't think it is necessary to keep him in a hospital." He finished with a greasy smile. Yes, smiles can be greasy. Go look at a car salesman's smile, and you tell me that its not greasy.  
  
"So what do you want us to do?" Hermione asked, feeling that if she didn't do something productive now, she was going to snap.  
  
"Well, it would be absolutely sporting of you if you could stay and look after Mr. Potter." Fudge said, with another one of his greasy smiles that made Hermione want to knock all of the teeth out of his head. "You know, make sure that he's okay, and call us as soon as he wakes up."  
  
"Of course." Hermione said. She turned to Ron and looked up at him hopefully.  
  
"I donno." Ron said softly.  
  
Misery needs company.  
  
"I mean, Brigit only in town a few more days..."  
  
That stupid bitch can keep herself busy trying to figure out how to do basic math. It's an extraordinary feet, but I'm confident in her abilities. If she can figure out a way to fuck a guy as enormous as Fudge, then I'm pretty sure she can decipher two plus two.  
  
"But I guess she could just come down here with us."  
  
NO! "Sounds lovely." Hermione said in a voice that made her want to vomit. God, who was she becoming, Brigit?  
Hermione sat next to Harry's bed side until everyone except Ron left. She tried to concentrate on worrying about Harry, like all good friends are expected to, but Hermione knew that her heartless soul had other plans. They were planning different ways to kill Brigit. Chainsaw? No, too noisy. Knife? No, too common. Lead pipe? No, too Clue. But her evil thoughts were interrupted when Ron's cell phone rang.  
  
"Hi Brigit." Ron said happily. Hermione mentally gagged herself. "What's up?.... you are?... when?.... okay.... okay..... I'll see you then, k?..... alright. Bye." He hung up the phone. Hermione had been eavesdropping, and she felt that she had learned nothing new listening to this conversation.  
  
"Brigit's going to L. A. tonight." Ron said with a frown.  
  
Praise the Lord! "That's too bad." Hermione lied. "I thought she wasn't leaving for a few more days."  
  
"So did I. But they moved her shoot to another day." Ron said. "It's too bad, too. Because I could tell that you and her were getting alone real well."  
  
Ah, Ron, you and your stupidity.  
  
"You liked her, didn't you?" Ron asked hopefully.  
  
Yea, I love girls who steal the only boy I've ever loved, making it impossible for me to love anyone again. They're just peachy. "Of course I did."  
They sat in silence for about an hour. Hermione didn't care. Sure, the silence might have been uncomfortable, but she had other things on her mind. Like trying to calculate how many days were going to go by before Ron was back on the market. He usually dumped his girlfriends in a matter of weeks, depending on their cup size. The bigger the boobs, the longer they'd stay together. Nine out of ten times, the boobs were... well, lets just say that, if the girl was drowning, her boobs would pass as a life raft.  
  
Not that Hermione cared when Ron was back to being single. She knew, after many painful years of being in love with him, that Ron would never like her. Her flame for him had burnt out, and it's ashes replaced her heart.  
  
There was a knock on the door, and since Hermione was sick of thinking about depressing things, she decided to answer it. Unfortunately, an even more depressing thing, wearing Gucci and pushing out her chest as far as humanly possible, greeted Hermione when she opened the door.  
  
"Hi!" Brigit said in an upbeat voice that could only belong to a former cheerleader.  
  
"Brigit!" Ron yelled happily. Ron's girlfriend pushed past Hermione and jumped into his arms. "I thought you were going to L. A."  
  
"I was! But then I thought, 'If I was Ron, where would I want me to be, if I was me?'" Brigit said. Hermione knew that this sentence, like most things Brigit said, made absolutely no sense. The only thing that did make sense to Hermione, was that Brigit was the devil, and that she had to be destroyed. Unfortunately, Brigit had other plans.  
  
"I can only stay a bit Ronniekins." Brigit said, sitting down on his lap. She ruffled his hair and giggled as he started to kiss her neck.  
  
Hermione excused herself, wanting to go throw up, but deciding that Brigit would not be the thing that made her bulimic. Instead, Hermione went to the kitchen. Since there wasn't any kind of office work for her to do, to get her mind off of Ron and his little playboy model, she decided to bake. Granted, she had no idea how to make a salad, let alone food that she would actually want to eat. But, thank Merlin, there was such thing as a cook book. And if there was a book, Hermione could do it.  
After spilling most of the ingredients on the floor, burning what was left of them, and being asked multiple times if she needed any help, Hermione was about ready to give up. But, suddenly, a little voice came into her head.  
  
'Don't give up, Hermione.' Said an enthusiastic but sweet little voice. 'Try and try again. If you fall off the horse, get right back on. Take baby steps. Never give up, never surrender.'  
  
"Fuck off." Hermione said to the voice.  
  
"What's that Hermione?" Ron asked, taking time out of his making out with Brigit to hear the tiniest thing.  
  
"I said... dinner's ready." Hermione said quickly. And with a flick of the wand, the mess was clean, and a beautiful four course meal was on the kitchen table. No trace of the horrible mess that was Hermione trying to cook was left, and no one was the wiser.  
  
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A/N: Now, like all respectful authors, I will beg and plead for you to review....so.... REVIEW!!!!!  
  
BTW: If you want me to e-mail you when I update, just tell me your e-mail address in the review. I'd be happy to 


	3. Life on the Rocks with a Twist

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story except the plot. But I would be willing to trade that for any of the MALE characters in Harry Potter. Just something to think about, Mrs. Rowling. Plus, Stacy (mysterywriter) helped me with this whole story (plus many others) when I got writers block (which ALWAYS happens).  
  
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Chapter 3: Life on the Rocks with a Twist  
  
That night, Hermione couldn't sleep. Not because she was worried about Harry, in fact, she totally forgot about her poor, unconscious best friend. No, the only things that were keeping Hermione up were the noises coming from Brigit's room. Oh, did I forget to mention that Ron was in there with her? So, I think it's pretty obvious what they were doing.  
  
A few hours later, they were still going at it. What were they? Rabbits? Hermione sighed loudly and decided that it was pointless trying to sleep when two people were getting it on in the next room. So she threw on some clothes and went shopping at seven o'clock in the morning.  
  
When she came back with bags of books (what did you expect?), she noticed something as soon as she walked in the door. The air felt...less stupid. And there was just a 'nothing-on-my-body-has-been-surgically- altered' vibe around the apartment.  
  
"Where's Barbie- I mean, Brigit?" Hermione asked Ron as she put her bags on the counter and sat next to him on the couch.  
  
"She left." Ron said, seeming too sad to notice the little name slip Hermione made. He looked rather depressed, with half a bottle of vodka in his hand.  
  
Hermione considered jumping up from her spot on the couch and doing her version of the happy dance. But, being the top notch friend that she was, Hermione said, "That's too bad." and put a comforting hand on Ron's arm.  
  
BAM!  
  
As soon as her fingers grazed Ron's skin, that feeling that Hermione thought she had lost forever, came back again. It was a tingling that spread from the tip of her fingers, all the way down to the pit of her stomach. She felt happy, anxious, excited, and nauseous all at the same time.  
  
This feeling scared Hermione down to her very soul. She thought that after years of trying to snuff out her flame for Ron, that it would never come back. But, like a trick candle, the flame flickered back on, and was now hotter then ever.  
  
Hermione knew that this flame would only burn her, and bring pain. So, becoming desperate to somehow put this flame back out, or distract herself from it, Hermione seized the bottle of vodka that was in Ron's hand, and took a big swig of it. She cringed at the taste, but knew that she'd soon be too drunk to taste or feel anything. And that thought was comforting.  
  
"Ah, decided to join me, have you?" Ron asked with a little smile.  
  
"Do you have anymore of this?" Hermione asked, finishing off the bottle with another swig.  
  
"In the cupboard." Ron said, pointing in it's general direction. He was rather drunk by now.  
  
Hermione rushed to the cupboard, and threw the doors open. It was filled with bottles of every kind of liquor. She reached for the one she figured was the strongest, and downed it in a matter of minutes.  
  
A few hours later, Ron and Hermione were sprawled on the living room floor with empty bottles of alcohol scattered all around them. Ron was attempting to play Row Row Row Your Boat by banging different empty bottles together. Hermione was running her finger along the inside of a bottle, trying to extract every molecule of brandy left in it.  
  
"I am still thirsty." Hermione announced.  
  
"Go get some more." Ron said, continuing to bang bottles together.  
  
"Just as soon as the room stops spinning." Hermione said, struggling to get up, and having to use the coffee table for support. She stumbled and had to lean against the wall as she tried to get to the cupboard that was only a few feet away.  
  
Just then, Ron, who had been banging two bottles together just above his head, lost grip of one of them and it fell down on his head. Hermione, who had seen this, lost balance and fell down to the floor laughing.  
  
"You are so stupid." Hermione laughed, holding her side.  
  
"Well, at least I can walk." Ron said, attempting to stand up, but tripped over his own feet and fell down. This made Hermione laugh even harder.  
  
(I, as an author, am very aware that bottles hitting people on heads is no laughing matter, but they are drunk. What did you expect? An intellectual conversation about toilet seats? Well, that's the best you're going to get when they're both smashed.)  
  
After ten straight minutes of laughing, Hermione finally composed herself, and stumbled toward the cupboard.  
  
"There's only red wine left." Hermione said, grabbing two bottles and showing them to Ron. And this sentence was what unleashed a monster.  
  
Out of no where, Ron starts to sing.  
  
"Red red wiiiiiine." Ron sang, swaying back and forth on the floor.  
  
"Stay close to meeeee." Hermione sang, stumbling back to her spot on the ground next to Ron, and giving him one of the bottles.  
  
"Don't let me be alone." Ron sang, taking a swig of his wine.  
  
"It's tearing apart, my blue, blue heart." Hermione sang in between drinks. The rest of the song was rather incoherent, seeing that they had drunken enough alcohol to fill the Atlantic Ocean.... twice.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Okay, that's the end of the chapter, so now I just wanna thank everyone who reviewed. So here it goes....  
  
OtterMoon- You hit Ron with a solid gold steering wheel? Niiiiiiice. I've got to add that to my list of murder weapons. And buying Ron a new brain is a VERY good idea. I'd donate mine, but it hasn't worked in years.  
  
Straycat- You're right, Fullytones and Fuzzy Slippers is the best. Thanks for reviewing! Oh! Did you read ch. 13 of Fellytones? It is so funny! And I am very happy that you find my second chappie still.... everything.  
  
Foags- Another great story from me? Really? Sweet. I added another chapter to my D/Herm one. But it turned out really weird when I posted it. I only showed, like, half of the thing I had written. I tried to fix it, but whatever. I hate technology!  
  
Blue-Amythyst- I bet yelling "go to hell bitch" *would* have made Hermione smile. But, not to worry, she'll be smiling soon enough. Thank you so much for reviewing! I'm so happy that you like my stories!!!  
  
Eye candy- OMG, you have no idea how happy it made me when you said that you can tell that this is going to be one of the best fics you're going to read. Thank you so much!!!! Sorry I made you wait, I'll update every week just so that you don't have to keep waiting and waiting and waiting...  
  
Kooky Lemons- You're right, sarcasm does rule! lol. I'm so happy that you like it! And, if the devil didn't wear Gucci, what in heavens name WOULD she wear? Armani? I think not.  
  
Phoenixdreams- I'm glad that this is interesting so far. I hope that it stays that way, and that you don't fall asleep at the computer while reading it. Cause that would be bad. You might have something in the oven, and then it could burn, and you'd be asleep, and the house would catch fire, and you'd still be asleep, and the fire alarm would go off, and you'd be asleep, and then you'd die and it'd be all my fault and I'd have to come to your funeral and tell everyone that my boring fanfic killed you. And then you're relatives would ambush me, and start throwing punches, and your grandma would have me in a head lock and..... wow, I'm rambling. Bad Nicole, bad.  
  
Demetre Ironhilt- I'm so happy that you found this story funny as hell. Cause I don't know about you, but I find the devil's fiery casa rather humorous. I don't understand why you cant have Ron either. Maybe because he is fictional, and OBVIOUSLY in love with Hermione, who is also rather fictitious herself. But, hey, just because you two come from different places doesn't mean you can't hook up. I say go for it! Go take Ron's salty goodness for yourself!  
  
Eedoe- I have actually written a couple more chapters for this fic, and, lo and behold, Ginny does come into the mix! But not for a while, sorry! I think she shows up around chapter 8... so you can look forward to that. Thanks for reviewing!  
  
Arctic Squirrel- It's odd for Hermione to have sexual feelings for Ron.? ..... I suppose. Since, in the book, Ron is the only one who is obviously in love. Don't worry, they will hook up eventually, no assassination needed.  
  
Blacairn-babe- I'm so happy that you find my weirdness witty! I will try my best to update every week, probably Friday-ish. Thank you for reviewing!!!  
  
Jenny7611- You are so right, bitter people *are* funny. I don't think I'd be smiling right now if my friend hadn't been so bitter about some boy not liking her. I could laugh for hours about it..... I'm not insensitive. Really.  
  
TheSilverLady- Don't worry, there is no way I am going to have poor little Harry end up with Mattel's version of Satan (AKA- Brigit). I'd have to temporarily insane to do that, and I am pretty confident with my mental stability...at least for now.  
  
I wouldn't consider this last thing to be a thank you. It's more of a... shove it up the ass.  
  
Niki-chan- Okay, I can understand if you don't like swearing. But, if you are really that anal about it, maybe you should stop reading PG-13 fics. I decided to take your review as constructive criticism, and read the chapter over again to see if I really did have swearing in every paragraph, like you accused me of. Well, I counted, and I only swore five times in the second chapter. The point of this story is for Hermione to be hostile. Wouldn't you be if the only boy you've ever loved didn't even notice that you were there? I figured that everyone would get that, but I guess not. You are welcome to flame me all you want, just don't do it to blow off steam. Actually give me something I can work off of. It's called constructive criticism, maybe you should look into that.  
  
I'm sorry if I missed anyone. Thank you to everyone for reviewing! I am sooooo happy that you like my story. Almost too happy, really. It's probably not healthy, but what the hell.  
  
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A/N: In case you didn't notice, the song that Ron and Hermione were singing was 'Red Red Wine' by UB40.  
  
!@#$%^&*~ BTW: If you want me to e-mail you when I update, just tell me your e-mail address in the review. I'd be happy to. ~*&^%$#@! 


	4. Ron with Whip Cream and a Cherry on Top

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story except the plot. But I would be willing to trade that for any of the MALE characters in Harry Potter. Just something to think about, Mrs. Rowling. Plus, Stacy (mysterywriter) helped me with this whole story (plus many others) when I got writers block (which ALWAYS happens).  
  
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Chapter 4: Ron with Whip Cream and a Cherry on Top  
  
Hermione opened her eyes slowly, and immediately felt like her head was going to explode. She shielded the bright sunlight from her eyes, and tried to sit up slowly from her spot on the floor. A sudden dizzy feeling came over Hermione.  
  
Why the hell to I feel like shit? She wondered. And why am I on the floor?  
  
Hermione stood up slowly, feeling like her legs were made out of Jell- O. This thought made her hungry, so she proceeded to the kitchen. But before she could so much as take her second step, Hermione's foot slipped on something, and she tumbled to the ground. She looked behind her to see what tripped her, and saw that an empty bottle of Gin was the culprit. Hermione quickly scanned the room, and realized that it looked like a stampede of beer drinking bulls had come thought Harry's apartment.  
  
She wondered, with horror, if she had drinking all of those bottles. But then her eyes landed on Ron, who was just starting to wake up.  
  
"Morning." Ron said, rubbing his head as if hoping this would help with his major hangover. "How do you feel?"  
  
"Horrible." Hermione said, searching around for aspirin. "It feels like there's a little man inside my head, pounding on it and trying to get out."  
  
"Really?" Ron asked, successfully standing up on his own. "Mine's a PMSing bitch." Hermione laughed as she started to make some coffee to aid their hangovers.  
  
"Do you remember anything?" Ron asked, starting to pick up that bottles that were scattered everywhere. Hermione shook her head, then wished that she hadn't. It just made the little man mad.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
A few hours later, after they had both had a couple cups of coffee, and a few aspirin, Ron announced something.  
  
"I'm hungry." He said, like it was something that was of interest to Hermione.  
  
"I'll alert the Ministry." Hermione said, still a little annoyed that they angry man hadn't climbed out of her head yet.  
  
Ron ignored this comment, and started to look though the cabinets in the kitchen. After a few minutes, he turned around with a smile on his face.  
  
"Pizza." He said, holding up a pre-made pizza crust.  
  
"Where's the rest of it?" Hermione asked.  
  
"You make it." Ron said.  
  
"Ha ha, that's okay." Hermione said with a little laugh. "I don't cook."  
  
"Well, it's about time you learn how to." Ron said, grabbing her hand and pulling her into the kitchen.  
  
"I'm a witch. I can just use magic." Hermione said, taking her hand back and starting to walk back to the couch.  
  
"But it's not as good that way." Ron said, grabbing her arm. Hermione glared at him, but he just gave her his puppy eyes and that battle was won.  
  
"Fine." Hermione sighed. "What do I have to do?"  
  
"Cut these." Ron said, handing her a stick of pepperoni and a knife. Hermione did as he said, but was quickly stopped.  
  
"Hermione, don't make them three inches think." Ron said, looking over Hermione's shoulder.  
  
"Well, how small do you want them?" Hermione asked, hating that Ron was better at something then her.  
  
Ron stood behind her, and put his hands over hers to show her how to cut the pepperoni.  
  
POW!  
  
The feeling was back. Hermione took a sharp breath in as she tried to control her heartbeat. She felt light headed as Ron's strong hands guided hers, and nearly fainted when he whispered in her ear.  
  
"See?" He whispered in what Hermione described as his sexy voice. "Easy."  
  
Don't do this to me Ron. Hermione thought desperately. I'm not strong enough. I can't just hold this shit back.  
  
Afraid that she was going to lose it, or act on her emotions, Hermione quickly said, "Okay, yea I get it." hoping that he would leave her alone.  
  
Ron obviously took the hint, and left Hermione to cut the pepperoni by herself. He covered the pizza with sauce and added the pepperoni.  
  
"Now all we need is cheese..." Ron said, searching the refrigerator. He closed it a few moments later and announced, "No cheese."  
  
"A pizza without any cheese?" Hermione asked in disgust.  
  
"Not to worry," Ron said. "There's always a replacement." With that, he started searching through all of the cabinets. He finally came out of one holding-  
  
"Gummy Worms?" Hermione asked, a look of complete horror on her face. "On a pizza?!"  
  
"Believe me, it's good." Ron said, adding them to the top of the pizza and putting it in the oven.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"I am *not* eating that." Hermione stated, pointing to the pizza that had just come out of the oven.  
  
"Come on Mione." Ron said sweetly, cutting himself a piece. "Just try it."  
  
Hermione was about to protest again, but then she had an idea. "If I try this 'pizza', then you have to eat whatever I add to yours."  
  
"... okay." Ron said, taking another bite of his pizza. Hermione nodded, and cut herself a piece of this concoction Ron called a pizza. It looked like soggy bread with worms that were drowning in tomato sauce.  
  
Hermione closed her eyes and held her nose before taking a microscopic bite of her pizza. But, no matter how small the bite was, she could still taste the mix of tangy sauce and sweet candy.  
  
"Ack!" Hermione exclaimed, wrinkling up her nose in disgust.  
  
"That bad, huh?" Ron asked, finishing off his first piece, and grabbing another one.  
  
"Now it's your turn to suffer." Hermione said evilly, seizing a can of whip cream from the refrigerator. She handed it to Ron and expected him to put it on his pizza and eat it like she had had to. But, oh no, Ron was smarter then that. He turned the can of Hermione and sprayed her with whip cream.  
  
"Ronald Weasley!" Hermione screamed, wiping the whip cream out of her eyes.  
  
"Yes mummy?" Ron laughed.  
  
"You dirty little bastard!" Hermione yelled, trying to hold back her laughter. She ran to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of chocolate syrup.  
  
"Don't you dare!" Ron laughed, trying to run but finding it hard to move when he was doubled over with laughter at the sight of Hermione. She took that opportunity to cover him in chocolate syrup.  
  
"Mione!" Ron laughed. He ran up to Hermione and hugged her, which made some of the chocolate on him rub of on her.  
  
"Ack!" Hermione yelled, trying to squirm away so she wouldn't get messy (ummmm, too late). Ron wouldn't let go, and they both slipped on the dessert covered ground. Ron landed on top of Hermione with a thud. But they were both too over come with laughter to notice.  
  
Finally, after they both stopped laughing, they laid on the kitchen floor, Ron on top of Hermione, covered in whip cream and chocolate syrup.  
  
Hermione suddenly realized, not being distracted by the food fight, that Ron face was inches from hers.  
  
BAM!  
  
The feeling made her cheeks grow pink, and she wondered what was going to happen next. She felt a little prick of terror inside of her. This feeling never meant anything good. It meant that she still wasn't over Ron, and that he still didn't know.  
  
Ron brought his face closer to Hermione's. She felt as if she couldn't breath. Their faces centimeters from each other, what Ron did shocked Hermione. He licked the whip cream off of her nose. Hermione giggled, but then stopped with she noticed what she was doing. Instead, she decided to do the same to Ron's nose. But he didn't giggle, he just kissed her.  
  
POW! BAM! ZAP!  
  
So many emotions ran though Hermione's body. She didn't know what to do, so she focused on kissing him back. The feeling rushed through her veins and completely took over her body. But this didn't bother Hermione anymore. Because she knew that she wasn't alone. Ron was returning her feelings in, what Hermione had to admit, was a rather enjoyable way. I mean, would you rather have flowers, or a tongue down your throat?  
  
Hermione cast a spell to clean them up and they proceeded to a spare bedroom, all without breaking the kiss. Hermione ripped off Ron's shirt, and he was just starting to up button hers when there was a knock on the door.  
  
"Ignore it." Ron murmured into Hermione's mouth.  
  
"It might be Fudge." Hermione said, remembering that they might come by and check on Harry. "I'll go get rid of him." She re-buttoned her blouse, kissed Ron one last time, and proceeded to the door. Hermione fixed her hair as well as she could before opening the door.  
  
"Herm-own-ninny!" Krum said happily to a completely shocked Hermione. She tried to stutter a greeting, but Krum cut her off.... by kissing her.  
  
Ron came out of the bedroom, still not wearing a shirt, too confirm his fears. And, sure enough, there was Krum. And, to make matters worse, he was kissing Hermione.  
  
"What the fuck...?" Ron said, a little too loudly.  
  
Krum released Hermione, who looked rather relieved at that. "'Ello Ron." Krum said happily. Ron gave him another 'what-the-fuck-are-you-doing' look. "What? Can't I kiss my fiancé?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Okay, time for thank yous!  
  
Eedoe- "on left hand, drunk Hermione, on right hand, drunk Ron *slaps two hands together! grins evilly*" lol, I like the way you think! And, yes, Ginny will be as feisty as Hermione, but not nearly as bitter.  
  
Straycat- The story's atmosphere screams funny? Sweet! That is exactly what I was going for! Thank you so much for the final note thing :) I will try to remember that next time someone flames. BTW: Thank you sooooooooo much for all of your reviews! You reviewed so many of my stories! Thank you thank you thank you!!!!!  
  
Pixi Punkrocker- omg, you're review was so funny! I'm happy that I got you hooked, it was what I was going for.  
  
Phoenixdreams- It reminded you of yesterday night, huh? lol, lets just hope that you didn't nearly knock yourself out with the empty bottles.  
  
TheSliverLady- Thank you so much for reviewing! I'm glad that it was good, and hope that it says that way.  
  
HarryPotterGirly()- I'm so happy that you love it! I know that it sounds a lot like the Fellytones story, but, hopefully, I am shying away from it. Please feel free to tell me if this story is becoming a clone of Fellytones and Fuzzy Slippers. Thanks!  
  
Mimi- Thank you so much for reviewing! I PROMISE to write more soon! I'm glad that you like my story :) cussing and all.  
  
Foags: omg, you have NO idea how totally ecstatic I was when I read your review! I don't think I will ever be able to stop smiling!!! You have always been one of my favorite reviewers :) World famous, huh? *smiles* thank you thank you thank you!  
  
Elizabeth Frost/Angelic Ashley- I'm so happy that you like it so far! And thank God you understand the point of Hermione's hostility. I've never liked a guy for that long either. I have a very short attention span when it comes to guys... and school.... and parents....  
  
Niki-chan- I'm sorry too. I really admire you for apologizing. I know the feeling, when you write a review and don't notice how harsh it is until you've already sent it. I felt the same way after I posted my response to your review. Two wrongs don't make a right, and saying that my response to you was a "shove it up the ass" was childish. I hope that there aren't any hard feelings, and I think it was really adult of you to write back and not just ignore it.  
  
Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed! I makes me so happy to know that people like this story!!!  
  
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BTW: If you want me to e-mail you when I update, just tell me your e-mail address in the review. I'd be happy to. 


	5. Getting Down and Dirty

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story except the plot. But I would be willing to trade that for any of the MALE characters in Harry Potter. Just something to think about, Mrs. Rowling. Plus, Stacy (mysterywriter) helped me with this whole story (plus many others) when I got writers block (which ALWAYS happens).  
  
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Chapter 5: Getting Down and Dirty  
  
Before Hermione could explain to Ron that she had been temporarily insane at the time she accepted the proposal, he turned on his heal and went to the bedroom, slamming the door behind him. Hermione tried to go and follow him, but Krum was holding onto her hand like a fat man to his baklava.  
  
"So, how has my bride-to-be been?" Krum asked, hugging Hermione tight to his side. She was about to tell him that, after two years, when she doesn't return his calls or letters, it means that she despises him and, obviously, the engagement is off. But, before she could so much as open her mouth, Hermione heard a groan come for Harry's bedroom.  
  
"Excuse me a second." Hermione said, ripping her hand out of Krum's. She half ran to Harry's bedroom, and found him just starting to sit up.  
  
"Harry!" Hermione squealed, running over to him and attacking him with a huge hug.  
  
"Hey Mione." Harry choked, wishing that Hermione would stop cutting off his air supply. "What'd I miss?"  
  
"Well, Ron and I kissed." Hermione said with a tiny smile. This smile disappeared when she added, "But Krum came."  
  
"And that's bad because...?"  
  
"I'm still engaged to him." Hermione said, cringing at the words.  
  
"You're what?" Harry asked. "Did you just forget to mention to Krum that you threw away the ring and wanted him out of your life?"  
  
"It... slipped my mind." Hermione said innocently. Harry didn't look convinced. "I just accepted the proposal because I had convinced myself that Ron would never like me. It's would just seem too mean to tell Krum, 'you were just a pawn in my sick and twisted game of love.'"  
  
"You could at least mention to the guy that you don't even like him." Harry said. Hermione opened her mouth to say something, but what sounded like a banshee shriek stopped her. She stepped out into the hall to see what the hell was making that noise. I dieing cat? An insane bird? But what Hermione's eyes landed on turned out to be an actual banshee. Brigit.  
  
Ron was by the front door, kissing Brigit. Hermione gasped, which, to her dismay, didn't get their attention. She ran back to the bedroom to tell Harry.  
  
"Ron is kissing that... that.... THING in the hallway!" Hermione whispered frantically, not wanting Ron and Brigit to hear.  
  
Harry pulled out his wand and put a silencing charm on the room. "Go on, let it out." He said, preparing himself for the worst.  
  
"HE'S FUCKING SNOGGING THAT BITCH! THE FUCKING COW! WHORE! SLUT! DAMN EVERY BLOND HAIRED, BIG BOOBED, NO BRAINED HOOKER WHO JUST DECIDES TO PRANCE IN HERE AND FUCKING KISS THE ONE MAN WHO I COULD ACTUALLY BE HAPPY WITH! DAMN THEM ALL!!!!"  
  
"...Are you done?" Harry asked politely, looking at a very winded Hermione.  
  
"Yes." Hermione said quietly, brushing back a few strands of hair that had fallen across her face.  
  
"So what are you going to do about it?" Harry asked.  
  
Hermione thought for a bit, then said, with an evil smile, "I'll make him jealous."  
  
"That's not what I was going for." Harry started, but knew that it wouldn't do any good. Once Hermione had a plan, she'd be damned if she didn't go through with it.  
  
"You can't be awake." Hermione said wildly. "You have to go back to being unconscious."  
  
"Ummm, that's a little hard to do." Harry said.  
  
"You know what I mean." Hermione sighed. "Just pretend to be unconscious."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"It will give me more time. That way me and Ron have to be in the same place." Harry looked hesitant. "Oh, come on Harry." Hermione pleaded. "You've told me a million times to act on how I feel. This is my one chance. Please?"  
  
"Fine." Harry sighed. "But you have to come in and tell me what's going on. And bring me food, I'm starving."  
  
"Deal." Hermione smiled. She dashed out of the room, and found Ron and Brigit sitting on the couch, making small talk with Krum.  
  
Hermione walked into the room and sat herself down right on Krum's lap. She smiled at the look on Ron's face. He quickly put his arm around Brigit.  
  
"So, what are we talking about?" Hermione asked sweetly. Brigit started talking, probably about her clothes. But Hermione wasn't listening. She was concentrating all of her energy on watching Ron, discreetly of course. She saw Brigit put her hand on Ron's thigh, so Hermione decided to level the playing field. She did the same to Krum, and, suddenly, there was a little.... bulge in his pants, that cut straight into her butt. And, when I say little, I'm being generous. The man might be huge, but he's not so big down south.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
That night was not a good nights sleep for one Hermione Granger. Brigit and Krum were staying since everyone but Hermione thought that Harry was still unconscious. But he was anything but that. Hermione had to hide food in places that she'd rather not talk about, and bring them into Harry's room. So far, she'd had a cookie down her pants, a box of cereal up her shirt, and an apple in her bra (two actually, so that she didn't look unbalanced). Of course, Harry didn't know that the food he was shoving in his mouth had been in Hermione's naughty places, she just kept that to herself.  
  
Krum and she were staying in the spare bedroom. In the same bed. Together. Which was no cup of tea for Hermione. Krum was a big boy, but he took up way more then his share of the double bed. He'd hug her next to him until he drifted off to sleep. Which was about the time Hermione would do her version of the hug-and-roll (see Friends episode). This method involved her pushing Krum over to his side of the bed, and hitting him multiple times (he was a VERY heavy sleeper). She would then make an 'ick!' noise as she tried to shake off all of the Krum cooties that might have crawled onto her at some point during the hugging process.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Hermione and Krum went out to lunch during the afternoon, and came back around three. Hermione threw the door open loudly and announced that they were home. She then proceeded to make out with Krum in the doorway. During this, she was convinced that he was going to eat her alive. She felt that if she didn't open her mouth just as wide as his, then he would swallow her whole. The kiss was sloppy and disgusting, not something that Hermione would want to do in her spare time.  
  
"Ron's not here." Harry said, walking out of his bedroom and into the kitchen. Hermione quickly stopped kissing Krum, and had to hit him a few times before he would let go of her.  
  
"Damnit." Hermione said under her breath. "Where'd they go?" she asked, deserting her 'fiancé' and following Harry into the kitchen.  
  
"Out shopping I think." Harry said, pouring himself some orange juice. "I wouldn't know though. It's a little hard to hear them when I'm pretending to be unconscious." He said, looking up at Hermione in a you- should-feel-guilty way.  
  
"It'll only be a few more days..." Hermione said confidently. "Anyways, you better get back into the bedroom." Harry groaned in annoyance. "Come on." She said, pulling his arm and forcing him to follow her. "Ron might be home any second. I don't want him to see you."  
  
Harry reluctantly got under the covers. Hermione sat on the end of the bed.  
  
"If I don't get Ron's attention soon, I think I'm just going to break up with Krum." She confessed. "He's driving me absolutely insane! And I don't think any man is worth this much suffering."  
  
"Even Ron?" Harry asked.  
  
"Krum snores, Harry." Hermione said seriously. "You don't understand. He also kisses like a dog."  
  
"That bad, huh?" Harry asked.  
  
"Yeah. But I still don't know how I'm going to tell him that the engagement is off. It's going to crush him." Hermione said, looking almost sorry for him.  
  
"You could practice on me." Harry said happily, glad to have some form of entertainment. And if knowing the exact words that were going to crush Krum's heart weren't entertainment, then Harry didn't know what was.  
  
"Really?" Hermione asked with a smile. "Okay." She took a deep breath and looked right at Harry, who had suddenly started to slouch and look a little confused. "... what are you doing?" Hermione asked.  
  
"Just getting into character." Harry said with a smirk.  
  
Hermione laughed, then took another big breath. "Krum? I've been thinking about this for a really long time, and I just don't think that this is working out. I'm really sorry, but I'm calling off the engagement." She pause for a second. "I'd give you the ring back, but I threw- I mean, dropped it down my garbage disposal."  
  
Harry nodded knowingly. "Let me just ask you one question Hermione." He said in a low voice that was mimicking Krum's. "... Do you like my hair?" he asked, slicking it back with one hand. "I mean, some days I look in the mirror and I'm like, 'cool' and other days I'm like 'not so cool.' And, today, I was like 'right side, cool. Left side, not so cool.'"  
  
"Ha ha ha." Hermione sighed sarcastically. She glanced at her watch and said, "Oh crap. I got to go. Krum and I are going shopping. And, hopefully, we'll run into Ron."  
  
"Making Krum walk three steps behind you?" Harry asked, not the least bit surprised.  
  
"Four." Hermione answered with a laugh. "And then I ditch him at the Quidditch shop so I can go look at clothes without him constantly asking me to try on the lingerie for him." She sighed, shaking her head. "So, basically, I bring the guy around to make Ron jealous, and ditch him when I'm done."  
  
Harry looked at Hermione with another one of his looks that screamed, 'you heartless demon, why aren't you feeling guilty?!'  
  
"What?!" Hermione asked defensively. "It's tough love. The guy needs to get some balls."  
  
"So THAT'S what your shopping for." Harry laughed, dodging a punch from Hermione.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
OKAY! Time for thank yous!  
  
Eedoe- omg, you're review had me laughing so hard! "Holy bugarian seekers batman!" lol! Batman? I never even thought of that!  
  
TheSilverLady- lol, "holy crap!", that was just about everyone's reaction. As for updating soon? I prefer making you guys suffer. *evil cackle*  
  
Awonkachonka()- Actually, I quite enjoyed your blabbering! I'm so happy that you like it!!! First time in humor, huh? You should visit more often! We might be weird, but (hopefully) we make you laugh! Please, blabber more, it makes me smile :) BTW: thank you so much for reviewing 'Girl's Night' and 'Yule Ball'! Thank you for pointing out the Fleetwood Mac thing. I can't believe I forgot that!  
  
Straycat- lol, had to pick whipped cream out of your ears, huh? Well, at least you had fun! I am happy that I got you addicted....wait, now I sound like the tobacco company. Anyways, I don't think you'd be able to seek help even if you tried. The Nicole-fic rehab center is still under construction. BTW: thank you so much for reviewing Lavender's Inner Eye!!! : D  
  
Moony- "WTF?" *smiles* that is the EXACT reaction I was going for! I hope that this chapter aided your confused mind. lol  
  
Krystal1989- :) I will try my best to "keep up the good work" on this story. Just as long as you guys aren't using it as a sedative, I'm happy.  
  
Trickhayden- I hope that this chapter cleared all of those questions up for you. It's bazaar, I know, but I needed a twist!  
  
Pixi Punkrocker- "A toaster dun play toons... it cooks bread" wow, wise words. lol, and I loved your valley girl approach to the Krum/Hermione engagement.  
  
Elizabeth Frost/Angelic Ashley- Wow, you are really good at dialogue! BTW: thank you for telling me that this is similar to the Fellytones story. I was worrying about that, and, hopefully, I am going in a different direction. I asked one of my friends, who has also read Fellytones, to read this, and she said that it started out similar, but went in a different direction later on. But, just to make sure, please tell me if it continues to be similar. Thank you so much for being honest!  
  
Princessflowerchild- Don't we all hate that feeling? lol, but thanks for comforting Ron. I'm sure he appreciated it.  
  
OtterMoon- I share your feelings of hate toward Krum. Just when Ron has started to see the light, Krum just has to come and turn the power off..... or something to that affect. I'm sure that they will be fine with their own brains, or lack of, for the time being.  
  
Exlibris- I would be more then happy to consider you my 'bigger fan'. You said so many nice things, I wanna jump through the screen and give you a hug! But, since that is currently impossible, you'll just have to settle for this; THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!  
  
Niki-chan- Starting off on a new foot sound good. Thank you so much for saying that the title and summary grab you into the story, that was EXACTLY what I was going for! I'm glad that you are warming up to the swearing cause there's going to be plenty more where that came from. Actually, this was the chapter with the most swearing, what with Hermione's outburst and all. I'm also glad that you understand why the swearing is there. As for the Bam... Pow stuff, I donno why I did that. It was sort of a spur of the moment kinda thing. I suppose I was just in a Batman kinda mood (see my response to eedoe).  
  
I love ya'll! Thanks so much for the reviews!  
  
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A/N: The paragraph where Harry asked Hermione about his hair comes straight out of a Gilmore Girls episode. I don't know which one, I just thought it was cute, so I put it in there. It just seemed like a very 'Krum' thing to say.  
  
The Friend episode I was talking about was when Ross teaches Chandler to do the hug-and-roll to Janice. First, you hug her, then slowly roll her over to her side of the bed. Hug for her. Roll for you. No one but a Friends fanatic such as myself would know.  
  
...... I quote far too many TV shows...... it's a sickness, really.  
  
BTW: If you want me to e-mail you when I update, just tell me your e-mail address in the review. I'd be happy to :) 


	6. Pop Goes the Weasel

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story except the plot. But I would be willing to trade that for any of the MALE characters in Harry Potter. Just something to think about, Mrs. Rowling. Plus, Stacy (mysterywriter) helped me with this whole story (plus many others) when I got writers block (which ALWAYS happens).  
  
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Chapter 6: Pop Goes the Weasel  
  
Hermione left to go shopping with Krum at her heal, like a good little doggie. Harry tried to keep himself occupied, but that was hard when you're confined to a bed. He counted all of the little flowers that were on the wallpaper. And, when he was bored with that five minutes later, he wondered why he had such girly wallpaper.  
  
An hour later, Harry could hear the door open. Hermione was home. Finally! Before he could get out of bed, the door to his bedroom opened and someone entered. But, to Harry's horror, it wasn't Hermione.  
  
"Harry!" Ron said happily. "You're awake!"  
  
"...ummm, hey Ron." Harry said, trying to look like he had just come out of being unconscious.  
  
"I'm so glad your awake!" Ron said. Harry wondered how Hermione was going to kill him. Would she just strangle him with her bare hands, or would she just poison him? Probably strangle him, it was the friendly thing to do. Poison isn't as personal. Harry didn't care though. As long as she gave him the sweet release of death, he'd be happy. He didn't want to have to live with being reminded everyday that he was the reason Hermione and Ron weren't together.  
  
"I have so much to tell you." Ron said with a smile.  
  
Where's the 'we were so worried about you, Harry' and 'I hope you weren't too emotionally scarred when you came face to face with Voldemort once again.' Harry wondered angrily as Ron told him all of the things Hermione had already informed him about. 'We kissed. Blah blah blah.' 'Krum and Brigit are here. Blah blah blah.'  
  
".... and I think I'm in love with her." Ron finished. Harry suddenly wished that he had been listening. But, since he had an extremely short attention span and couldn't stay focused when his best friend was pouring his heart out, Harry took a stab in the dark.  
  
"You're in love with Brigit?" Harry asked. Beeeep! Wrong answer.  
  
"No." Ron said, shaking his head in disbelief. "I'm in love with Hermione."  
  
"What?!" Harry nearly screamed.  
  
"But you can't let her know that you're awake." Ron said. Here we go again. "I want to be able to spend more time with her so that she can see me and Brigit together. That way, she'll-"  
  
"Get jealous and dump Krum for you." Harry finished with a bored voice. Ron looked confused, but when the bedroom door opened, and Brigit came in, he looked more scared then confused.  
  
"Oh!" Brigit said in her usual upbeat voice. "He's awake! Guess that means that we can leave." She said, pulling on Ron's arm.  
  
"Ummm, no! Wait! Harry's still sick." Ron lied. Brigit didn't seem convinced. Ron looked at Harry desperately.  
  
"Where am I?" Harry asked in a confused voice, looking around the room.  
  
"See?" Ron asked happily. "You should lie down." He said, pushing Harry back down.  
  
"Pop goes the weasel!" Harry sang, popping back up in bed. Ron had to hold back a laugh.  
  
"Harry, are you okay?" Brigit asked, not really sounding that concerned.  
  
"Ahh!" Harry screamed, making Brigit jump. He pointed straight at her and yelled, "A monster! There coming to get me!!!"  
  
"He must be delirious." Ron told a very hurt and confused Brigit. He pushed Harry back down onto his back.  
  
"You just call if you need anything." Ron said, silently thanking Harry for making this big show.  
  
"Beam me up, Scottie." Harry said happily. Brigit left, she must not have liked not being the stupidest person in the room.  
  
"You have to act insane now." Ron said. "Make Hermione think you're delirious."  
  
"Whatever, it's better then being unconscious." Harry said. He was completely aware that BOTH Hermione and Ron knew that he was awake and perfectly capable of living without someone watching him. But he still had to pretend that he was insane. What people do for their friends...  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Hermione was sitting in the living room that next afternoon. She was pondering whether or not to go see Harry. Krum and Brigit were out, shopping or something. Ron was around the apartment somewhere, and he seemed to think that Harry was nutty. At least, that's what Hermione thought. She was just about to go visit Harry, when Ron came storming through the door. He look angry and was clenching a letter in his fist.  
  
"What's wrong?" Hermione asked timidly, standing up from her spot on the couch.  
  
Ron seemed at a lose for words. He'd let out tiny, rage-filled sentences as he paced back and forth. "Can't believe it..... stupidest thing I ever heard..... insane!....." his face got redder with each word.  
  
"Ron, calm down." Hermione said in a soothing voice. "Who's the letter from?" She asked, pointing to the crumpled paper in Ron's fist.  
  
"It's from Ginny." Ron said, scoffing in a dark manner. Hermione smiled, she hadn't heard from Ginny in the longest time. But she quickly wiped the look off of her face when Ron glared at her.  
  
"Do you know what my.... sister" he spat the word out. "went and did?!"  
  
"What?" Hermione asked, rather curious, but trying not to sound it.  
  
"She.... she...." Ron seemed too overcome with rage to finish the sentence.  
  
"What?!" Hermione nearly yelled. She REALLY wanted to know. It was like watching a soap opera, but hitting pause right before Jennifer tells Andy that the baby isn't his, but his brother's.  
  
"She's engaged to.... to....." Ron stuttered, rage taking over once again.  
  
"Spit it out!" Hermione yelled. What was he trying to do? Kill her?  
  
"GINNY'S ENGAGED TO MALFOY!" Ron yelled back. There was a long uncomfortable silence.  
  
"Really?" Hermione finally asked. Stupid question.  
  
"No, Hermione. I just made all of this up because I like nearly going mad!" Ron yelled. Another uncomfortable silence.  
  
"...Really?" Hermione asked, not truly believing Ron. He gave her a what-the-fuck-do-you-think look. "Well then," she said with a smile. "good for her."  
  
Ron looked as if she had just told him that she was half alien. His mouth was hanging open in horror and disgust.  
  
"What?!" He yelled a few minutes later after he remembered how to speak.  
  
"I think it's lovely that Ginny has found someone." Hermione said truthfully.  
  
"Do you remember who Malfoy is?!" Ron asked in disbelief.  
  
"I know that he was mean back in school, Ron, but-"  
  
"Hermione! What are you smoking?! Malfoy was a prat and he always will be!"  
  
"Ron, people can change. You just have to-"  
  
"My sister is marrying that git! And you're on her side?!"  
  
"Ron! You can't just-"  
  
"If you think-"  
  
"RON!" Hermione screamed. "Would you just let me talk?!" There was a silence that followed. Ron's face grew rather red, and he looked at the ground. After he muttered an apology, Hermione continued.  
  
"Ginny is your sister-"  
  
"No duh."  
  
"Shut. Up." Hermione said in her strict voice. Ron recognized it from when they went to Hogwarts, and quickly stopped talking.  
  
"As I was saying, Ginny is your sister, but that doesn't mean that you have the right to control who she goes out with." Hermione said, her voice softening the more she talked.  
  
"So I'm just suppose to sit here and watch her ruin her life?" Ron asked angrily.  
  
"I guess." Hermione said, making Ron look at her as if she were insane. "All you can do is support her for making her own decisions, and be there for her when things don't work out."  
  
There was a long pause. It wasn't uncomfortable, but it wasn't comfortable either. It was more of a tense silence as Hermione waited to see if Ron would listen to her, or if he would be his stubborn self.  
  
"But, Mione, he's so horrible." Ron said, his voice barely above a whisper. She could see in his eyes just how much he cared for Ginny. He was genuinely scared for his little sister's well being.  
  
"He was horrible to us." Hermione said, stating the obvious. "But he was never mean to her. Malfoy never so much as raised his voice to Ginny." Ron still looked concerned. "Ron, you know that Ginny can take care of herself. She could take Malfoy on any day." Ron gave a little smile. "She's a big girl, she can take care of herself."  
  
"Plus she's a Weasley, and you know we're all bad asses." Ron added. Hermione laughed, not having the heart to tell him how completely false that statement was.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Okay! Time for me to thank people! And, I just wanna say to everyone that these reviews are what makes me happy. I have been studying for finals for two weeks, and just got totally ass raped (sorry! Private school talk) by my Biology test today. So these reviews are the only thing that I look forward to. THANK YOU!!!  
  
Straycat- Friends addicts unite! You have no idea how happy I was when you said that my story is going in a different direction from Fellytones. I was soooooo worried that I was plagiarizing. To answer your question, if you made a lot of grammar errors, I don't think so. Why? Anyways, I will try to update my camp story soon. I have some of the 8th chapter written, but I still am having major writers block. E-mail me if you have any ideas for it.  
  
TheSilverLady- lol, Hermione's heartlessness is great? Isn't it though? I mean, it makes it really easy to write dialogue when all that she is doing is making fun of people.  
  
Icybluesky- :) I'm glad you find it funny and that I brightened your day! Yea, Harry is nice. I figured I needed someone to keep it happy. With Hermione's hostility, Ron's lust, and Brigit's stupidity, I figured we needed someone to be a Barney character.  
  
Pixi Punkrocker- I love the cheer! And, omg, a store full of... yea, that's nasty. But so funny!!! I can just see it. Balls hanging from the ceiling of a story called Balls R' Us. That's pleasant.  
  
Mimi- lol, yea, I can't help but copy from good TV shows. Friends and Gilmore Girls. What can be better then that? And I'm glad I'm not the only TV addict! It's good not to be alone. We should make a cult! Where we aren't allowed to talk unless it is the dialogue from a TV show..... wow. Okay, ignore everything I just said and feel free to run screaming away from your computer.  
  
Sugar Blossom- nooooooooo!!! It wont let you read the 3rd chapter?! That's happened to me a lot. *cries* I know what you're going through! Anyways, I hope you can read the 3rd chappie soon! Tell me if you can't and maybe we can work something out. But, after like a day or so, my computer usually stops being a butthead and lets me read it. Thanks for reviewing! I hope this story still makes sense even if you haven't read one of the chapters.  
  
Lily Michelle- Glad you like the story! Yea, Hermione is being mean by showing Krum off to Ron. But you havta admit, if you had the chance, wouldn't you do the same? You've seen both of the episodes I quoted? Cool! Isn't Friends the best?!  
  
f0xygrandma15- :) I'm so glad you think it's funny! I was hoping someone would recognize the Gilmore Girls quote. I quote TV shows too much, but it's such good dialogue! I couldn't help myself!  
  
Exlibris- glad I could deliver another funny chapter for you :) I have 'el toque'? cool! I actually have no idea what that is, but I'm guessing it's good. Sorry, my brain isn't working this week. I have finals. It's not fun. But reading you reviews gives me a way to procrastinate, and it makes me happy :)  
  
Phoenixdreams- lol, you recognized the hair dialogue too? Cool! It's from Gilmore Girls, just to let you know. Yea, Hermione does have it bad. Why else would she break so many rules? Stupid boys, they make you do crazy things. I hope you didn't get in trouble when you laughed in the library when you were reading my story. Librarians can be really anal about that. to answer your question, I don't think any other canon characters will be in this fic. But I donno, I havta finish writing it first.  
  
Foags- I love the Friends episodes with Eddie the psycho roommate! When he thinks that Chandler slept with his ex and killed his fish?! And then he 'buys a new fish' named Chandler and it's really a goldfish cracker?! Ha! I love it! You should join the TV cult with me and mimi (see my response to mimi above)! We can all walk around, quoting movies all day! It'll be great! BTW: I loved your reiview. It made me smile :) and, no, literative isn't a word, but we can pretend it is. I actually have read two of your stories so far (that's why I was so excited when you reviewed my story). I read 'Sleeping Beauty and Brains' and 'Life's a Stage.' I love them both! You should really write more on both of them. You said at the bottom of 'Life's a Stage' that there will be more, and in 'Sleeping Beauty and Brains' you only have 2 chappies! I want more! They are both VERY good. Tell me if you need ideas for them and I will try and help :)  
  
Elizabeth Frost/Angelic Ashley- All I have to say is; ROCK ON! Haha! Calling Krum desperate takes some balls! lol, yes, we all know that he's a pathetic loser who doesn't know how to sit up straight and needs to learn to speak English. Since you are so ballsy, I PROMISE to add more of your buddy Ron.  
  
BabyIrish06- Thank you so much for reviewing! I'm glad I can make you laugh. And thanks, also, for reviewing More Then Friends! I am working on the 8th chapter right now, so it's not done yet.  
  
Eedoe- stupid computer! I cant believe it did that! well, I can, cause it's done that to me too. I hate technology. If it didn't have so many sites and make life so much easier, I swear I'd stop using it. But I liked your review! I am more kosher then garlic dill? Cool. That's good, right? Being kosher, I mean. Heehee, but at least I understand the 'morning go-juice' comment :) thank you!  
  
Princessflowerchild- Yes, very good, Hermione is majorly pissed. It was the one time that she could actually voice everything that she was feeling inside. So you could just guess how many swear words there were. Thanks for reviewing! I promise Hermione will try to keep her anger inside from now on.  
  
Thanks to everyone who reviewed!!! :) I m sooooo happy! I've never had 50+ reviews before!!!! Thank you thank you thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
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BTW: If you want me to e-mail you when I update, just tell me your e-mail address in the review. I'd be happy to 


	7. Dealing with a 'Bipolar' Friend

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story except the plot. But I would be willing to trade that for any of the MALE characters in Harry Potter. Just something to think about, Mrs. Rowling. Plus, Stacy (mysterywriter) helped me with this whole story (plus many others) when I got writers block (which ALWAYS happens).  
  
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Chapter 7: Dealing With a 'Bipolar' Friend  
  
Hermione was starting to get a really good feeling about her and Ron. She was beginning to notice just how annoying Brigit was, and how much Ron hated it. But, most of the time, he was too busy trying to steal glances at Hermione to notice. Life was good, it even made sleeping in the same bed with Krum, the human chain saw, bearable.... kinda.  
  
"So things are going good?" Harry asked. He was sitting up in his bed, talking to Hermione who was sitting on the end.  
  
"Better then good... it's .... it's...." Hermione gushed with a big ass smile on her face.  
  
"Wow, Hermione Granger can't even think of an adjectives to describe something?" Harry asked with fake/disbelief. "Amazing."  
  
"Shut up." Hermione said, playfully hitting Harry and blushing. "I can't help it if I'm in love with Ron." She glanced up at Harry and the look on his face made her heart stop. He was looking in the direction of the door, behind Hermione, and his eyes were really wide.  
  
Hermione suddenly took back the words that had just tumbled out of her mouth. Why had she said that when she knew that he was in the other room? Hermione turned around slowly, gripping herself for a very shocked Ron.  
  
"... Hello Hermione." Said a man's voice that was too deep to be Ron's. Fudge was standing in the doorway, shifting his weight from one foot to the other in an uncomfortable manner. Thank God! Hermione hadn't confessed her love in front of Ron, she just did it in front of her boss!  
  
"Harry." Fudge said happily, obviously glad to change the subject. "You're awake. Wonderful. Everyone's been very worried."  
  
Harry didn't look happy, and Hermione looked even worse. Fudge wasn't stupid enough to fall for the Harry's-insane routine.  
  
"You feeling better Harry?" Fudge asked. "Good." He said, without giving Harry a chance to say otherwise. "I suppose I'll see you and Mr. Weasley at work tomorrow, Mrs. Granger."  
  
Hermione's heart, which had been all kitties-and-puppies-happy a few minutes ago, was now very dark and heavy. No kitties or puppies in sight. Just black and maybe a few fire-breathing chipmunks scattered here and there.... don't ask.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
By the next day, Hermione and Ron were packed and ready to go. So were Brigit and Krum. Hermione stayed up the whole night before, praying that she would be able to think of a way that she and Ron could spend more time together. They'd see each other at work, but never in a one on one kind of environment. And if they ever went out together, Brigit would be close behind.  
  
Hermione would look over in Ron's direction ever so often, wonder if he remembered the time they kissed, and doubting that he cared. He had Brigit, the amazing human blow-up doll. He didn't need her.  
  
But what Hermione didn't know what that when she wasn't looking, Ron was glancing over in her direction too. Of course he didn't forget about that night. How could he? She was the best thing that had ever happened to him. Ron mentally kicked himself every time he remembered why he chose Brigit over Hermione. Because of Krum. The stupid ass hole. He could take that git on any day.  
  
"Bye Harry." Hermione said, hugging her friend. She picked up her bags and waited by the door for Krum. Ron was doing the same for Brigit and there was an awkward silence. Harry cleared his throat and said something about leaving a dog in the oven. Stupid prat. He quickly left the room.  
  
"So, I suppose I'll see you at work..." Hermione said, looking down at the ground.  
  
Ron took a big breath. "Hermione, I need to tell you something..." Hermione looked up hopefully.  
  
"Ronniekins, lets go, I want to get a good seat on the subway." Came Brigit's God awful voice. She rushed in and grabbed Ron's arm. "It was lovely meeting you.... ummm..." she said, looking at Hermione and not remembering her name. "...well, you know." And with that, she dragged Ron out the door without a glance back.  
  
Hermione whimpered, dropped her bags, and slid down the wall. "Stupid bitch."  
  
"Who, Brigit?" Harry asked, walking out of the kitchen and sitting down on the wall next to Hermione.  
  
"No, me." Hermione said, burying her face in her hands. "I should have just told him that I like him."  
  
"I've been telling you that for years!" Harry laughed. Hermione, on the other hand, did not find this amusing.  
  
"Fuck you." She spat, looking rather depressed. Krum left a few hours later, after Hermione made it clear that she wanted nothing to do with him. She was a mess the rest of that day, so Harry let her stay at his apartment another night. In the morning, Hermione didn't look any happier.  
  
"Mione, you've GOT to snap out of it!" Harry said, shaking his friend out of bed, where she had been for nearly a day.  
  
"I've lost him." Hermione kept muttering.  
  
"That's it." Harry said seriously. "If you are this depressed about not being with him, then call him." He thrust the receiver into Hermione's hands.  
  
"No!" Hermione yelled, dropping the phone like a poisonous tarantula.  
  
"If you call him then you might have a chance." Harry said reasonably.  
  
"I'd rather die then call that bastard!"  
  
"Five seconds ago you loved him." Harry said, putting the phone in her hands once again.  
  
"Well, I'm bipolar. Deal with it." She threw the phone on the ground and crossed her arms. Harry sighed and sat down next to her.  
  
"Hermione, do you love him?" Harry asked quietly. Hermione's expression soften a little.  
  
"...Yes, but-"  
  
"Do you love him?" Harry asked more forcefully.  
  
"Yes." Hermione whispered.  
  
"Then listen to your heart." Harry said, tapping on Hermione's chest.  
  
"What fucked up guru told you that shit?" She scoffed.  
  
"Dumbledore... but that's not the point." Harry said, shaking him head as he tried to find where he was going.  
  
"Harry, don't even try, okay? I'm not going to call Ron because I know that he's in love with Brigit and doesn't want anything to do with me." Hermione said with a shaky voice. "So just save it."  
  
"Hermione," Harry said softly. "I know that you're smart and everything, but just trust me, you're wrong about this one."  
  
"If I'm wrong, then you're the Queen of England." Hermione scoffed.  
  
"Then go buy me a crown, because Ron loves you." Harry said with a smile.  
  
Hermione thought about this for a few seconds and finally sighed. "Give me the God damn phone." Harry smiled and did as she told. Hermione dialed Ron's home phone number and sighed as she waited for it to ring.  
  
With the first ring, Hermione started to break out in a sweat. What was she going to say? What if Brigit answered? What if he hung up as soon as she told him who she was?  
  
Hermione slammed the phone down on it's receiver by the second ring.  
  
"What the hell?" Harry asked.  
  
"I'm sorry Harry, I just can't do it." Hermione said helplessly. But Harry wasn't taking any of that crap. He forced the phone into Hermione's hand and started dialing Ron's number. Hermione tried to hang it up, but Harry sat on top of her and forced the phone to her ear.  
  
Ring.....  
  
"Harry, don't make me to this." Hermione pleaded.  
  
Ring.....  
  
"It's for your own good." Harry said. Hermione looked scared out of her mind.  
  
Ring.....  
  
"What will I say?" She asked fearfully, trying to hang up the phone, but Harry grabbed her wrist and forced the phone back by her ear.  
  
Ring.....  
  
Click. "Hello?" Came Ron's voice from the other end. It made Hermione's heart melt and stop at the same time. She panicked, and suddenly forgot how to speak English.  
  
"Hello...?" Ron asked again. Hermione looked helplessly at Harry, but he didn't seem to be backing down. He was still sitting on her, and cutting off the blood flow to her feet.  
  
"Hi." Hermione said, trying to sound calm but finding it hard to keep her voice steady.  
  
"Hermione?" Ron asked. She could hear him smiling. "I was just about to call you."  
  
"Really?" Hermione asked, sounding rather desperate. So she quickly added, "ummm.... that's cool." Reeeeeeal smooth Hermione.  
  
Ron took a big breath, as if to built up his confidence. "I wanted to ask you if you would like to come to the Burrow with me this weekend." He asked. Hermione had to hold back a squeal. Which, actually, wasn't that hard because Harry knew what she was about to do, and covered her mouth with his hand before she could let it out. What are friends for?  
  
"I'd love to." Hermione said happily. But not too happily. She wanted to play hard to get. Unless he wanted her to be desperate. Then, she would be all but happy to oblige.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
~STACY!- Run for you life! Fire-breathing chipmunks are on the loose!!! Hide your desks, World Cultures teachers, and orange juice!!! Please do not provoke the beast.  
  
~Lily Michelle- You're right! Ron is like Chandler. I never thought about that.... please don't hate me, but I don't like Smallville *cringes* I've never watched it though.... but I agree that Tom Welling is a hottie. Don't worry, Hermione and Ron will drop the charade and make out sooner or later :)  
  
~Foags- another thank you for Foags!! I read the 3rd chapter of Sleeping Beauty and Brains. Pure genius. I love it! plus, quoting Friends and 10 Things I Hate About You (my fav movie AND my fav TV show), you can't get any better then that! I already reviewed it and can't wait for more. And, you're right, Eddie does rock! Chandler- Goodbye you fruit drying psychopath.... heehee, sorry, I couldn't resist.  
  
~Awonkachonka- :) I'm glad that my randomness amuses you. It usually annoys people cause I get way off topic and-hey! A bird!..... anyways, maybe it has something to do with my extremely short attention span, but whatever. You're my biggest fan? COOL! I've never had an actual fan before, let alone a fan that is considerably larger then the rest.... very cool, thank you!  
  
~Princessflowerchild- wow, you're odd.... I love it! haha, you are very funny and random, two of my favorite things. BTW: I read your story The True Definition of Disaster. It was funny! I love this quote: Ron- Oh put a sock in it you senseless ignoramus! Percy- Bravo on the vocabulary Ron! Charlie- NO COMPLICATED VOCAB!  
  
~Straycat- Of course you can quote movies in the cult! As long as it didn't come straight from your brain, I think it counts. Movies, TV, commercials, ANYTHING! So come on and join the cult! We need members!!! Heehee, I'm glad this story is still funny, and I hope it stays that way. BTW: no way, I'm dyslexic too! Dyslexic people unite! *lots of flashing lights and thunder*  
  
~Elizabeth Frost/Angelic Ashley- heehee, OBHWF (One Big Happy Weasley Family) lol, that's so funny! But how do you expect there to be OBGWF when Malfoy's involved? "Anyway, nice little twist with Harry exposing himself to Ron" heehee, that's sounds funny (in the sick and twisted way that my brain works.) Anyways, I didn't mean that you ACTUALLY have balls.... although that'd be funny.... you're just ballsy. It's a compliment, silly goose. Although your reaction was funny :) I should call people hermaphrodites more often.  
  
~TheSilverLady- heehee, glad you like the 'harry's insane' plan. Personally, I think that Harry doesn't have to work too hard to seem insane. But that's just my opinion.  
  
~Pixi Punkrocker- Of course I'm not annoyed with you! I love reading your reviews! Like the last one you sent me, you don't fancy Harry? Riiiiiiiight. Whatever you say. But I'm sure you're dreaming of lightening shaped scars and messy jet black hair every night, aren't you. Anyways, about your words of wisdom, let me just say that I have no experience in shoving hamsters down my pants, but I'm sure it hurts. I mean, with all of those claws and teeth, you'd think that wouldn't feel exactly pleasant. BTW: thank you so much for reviewing my Therapy story, AND sending it to your friends!!! :)  
  
~OtterMoon- Harry sitting Ron and Hermione down and talking to them about the whole liking each other thing is a very good idea! And I agree, they do need to get some brains. I've been looking for people to donate their brains, but no one's volunteering. I suppose, since my finals are over, I could donate mine. It's not like a use it during my free time anyways.  
  
~Charlie- heehee, I'm glad this stories funny to you! I mean, some people read it and are like, "ummm, yea. You're weird. How do you think up such weird things? It's.... weird." So, I'm glad that weird isn't the only word in your vocabulary. And I'm very happy the words, "keep writing! Can't live without it!" are in your vocab too! Heehee, especially in that order. It makes me smile, thinking that my story is someone's life support. Or oxygen. Or water... wow, I'm beginning to sound VERY arrogant, so I'll just say, thank you!  
  
THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED!!!  
  
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BTW: If you want me to e-mail you when I update, just tell me your e-mail address in the review. I'd be happy to. 


	8. Gred and Forge

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story except the plot. But I would be willing to trade that for any of the MALE characters in Harry Potter. Just something to think about, Mrs. Rowling. Plus, Stacy (mysterywriter) helped me with this whole story (plus many others) when I got writers block (which ALWAYS happens).  
  
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Chapter 8: Gred and Forge  
  
Hermione started to re-pack her bag as soon as she hung up the phone. She still felt slightly dizzy from the conversation with Ron. He wanted her to meet his parents. Not that she hadn't met them before, but this was suppose to be a big thing, right? She couldn't wait to tell Ron that she and Krum were over.  
  
"Have fun." Harry said as Hermione was getting ready to Apparated to the Burrow. "And call me as soon as something happens." Hermione hugged Harry, and with a pop, she was gone.  
  
Hermione appeared inside a very cluttered living room. A warm feeling rushed over her. The Burrow had always been her second home. And she hadn't seen it in so long. But before Hermione could even begin to reminisce, Ron entered the room.  
  
"Mione!" He said happily, wrapping his friend in a hug. Hermione melted into his arms. She lost all feeling in her legs and could only concentrate on the way he smelled and how his body felt pressed up against hers. They looked into each others eyes, still wrapped in the hug.  
  
"I've missed you." Ron said quietly.  
  
"It's only been a few days." Hermione laughed.  
  
"I don't care. I still missed you." Ron said with a little chuckle. His eyes twinkled like sapphires when he laughed. Hermione could have stood there for the rest of eternity in Ron's arms. She was perfectly content just staring into his bright blue eyes. But, like they say, when it seems too good to be true, it probably is.  
  
"Ronniekins!" Came the voice that Hermione would love to forget. Brigit came prancing into the room. "Who's this...?"  
  
Ron quickly let go of Hermione, and scooted a good six feet away from her. "This is Hermione." He said, running his hand through his hair in a nothing-was-happening kind of way. "Remember? She was at Harry's with us."  
  
"Who's Harry?" Brigit asked. Hermione openly rolled her eyes, daring Brigit to act on it.  
  
"Stupid hoe." Hermione said under her breath, not being able to help herself.  
  
"Come again?" Brigit asked with what looked like a very forced smile.  
  
"I said.... where's Ginny?" Hermione said, not even bothering to make the sentence rhyme or sound even close to 'stupid hoe.' She flashed an equally fake smile at Brigit. Hermione glared at Brigit, not allowing herself to blink. Brigit did the same, and both were daring the other to look away. It was a power thing.  
  
"She's in the kitchen." Ron said, not noticing the little eye war that was going on between his girlfriend and Hermione.  
  
Hermione's eyes were beginning to water, so she finally stopped staring at Brigit. She looked up at Ron, smiled, and went into the kitchen.  
  
"Gin?" Hermione asked, seeing a girl with long red hair standing with her back to Hermione. Ginny turned around and squealed as soon as she saw her friend.  
  
"Mione! How are you?" She asked, wrapping Hermione in a hug. "I'm so glad that you're here. I am going insane with that bitch Brigit here."  
  
"Glad I'm not the only one." Hermione sighed.  
  
"You know," Ginny said thoughtfully. "I would have bet anything that you would have been the one to end up with Ron."  
  
Hermione knew that Ginny didn't mean for that statement to hurt as much as it did. Hermione held back tears and forced a smile. She didn't want Ginny to see how much she was suffering.  
  
"So," Hermione said, dieing for a change of subject. "How have you been?" She forced her voice to stay steady, and wouldn't give in to the pain that seemed to be taking over her body. Her throat closed up, and her chest felt empty. Like someone had reached in and ripped out her heart.  
  
Ginny went on and on about her life. She talked about all of the wonderful things that had happened to her. How she and Draco were going to get married, how she had a great job, and how she couldn't be happier. Hermione felt obligated to tune her out. As a protest for all of those unhappy women out there, Hermione being one of them. And, also, for Ginny's health and well being. If Hermione had to hear one more word about how great Ginny's love life was, especially compared to Hermione's, she knew that things were going to get bloody.  
  
Thank Merlin, the Weasleys chose that exact moment to come piling into the kitchen.  
  
"Hermione, dear! How are you?" Mrs. Weasley asked, giving Hermione a hug that warmed her all over. Ron's mom had that effect on people. She was jolly and cuddly. Kind of like a cross between a teddy bear and Santa Clause. Except without the freaky elves.  
  
Mr. Weasley greeted her, and started piling questions about muggles on her. Fred and George came in quickly afterwards, and rescued her from their muggle obsessed father.  
  
"How's it going Hermione?" George asked with one of his evil smiles. "Care to try some fudge?" he asked as his twin produced a tray of fudge out of no where.  
  
"You don't think I'm that stupid, do you?" Hermione asked with a knowing smile. "What'd you do to it?"  
  
Both of the Weasley twins looked like they were going to explode with laughter. "The minute you bite down, you're teeth get stuck together." Fred smirked.  
  
"Hagrid's fudge does that too." Hermione informed them. The twins' smiles faded and they looked like Christmas had just been canceled. No, wait, that's used too much. They looked like every PlayBoy magazine in the world had just been canceled and taken off of the shelves.  
  
"What?!" George whined. "So we spent a month on this for nothing?"  
  
"I'm sorry guys." Hermione said, wishing that she hadn't said anything. It was murder to see the twins without smiles-or mischievous grins, rather -on their faces. "Have you tried it out on anyone yet?" Hermione asked, trying to lighten the mood with a change of subject.  
  
"No." Fred said, his smile finding it's way back onto his face. "No one in this house is stupid enough to try something we've made."  
  
"I can think of someone who's just that stupid." BRIGIT! BRIGIT! BRIGIT! "Maybe more..." Hermione said with one of her own evil smirks.  
  
"I know who you're talking about, and we've already tried it." Fred said. "But Ron stopped us."  
  
"Protective boyfriends always ruin our fun." George said. Hermione gave a halfhearted smile, and the twins noticed. "Don't worry, it won't last. Brigit and Ron are horrible together."  
  
They just don't know it yet.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Within an hour, Mrs. Weasley had dinner for eight on the table. Hermione moved to sit next to Ron, but Brigit beat her to the seat. So she was forced to sit next to Ginny.  
  
The conversation went pretty well. Hermione was too busy thinking of ways to kick Brigit under the table without her knowing it was her, but that was impossible. When Hermione finally took time to listen to the conversation, it wasn't very pleasant.  
  
"So, Brigit, Ron tells us that you're a model." Mrs. Weasley said nicely, trying to make small talk with the Barbie across from her. Brigit just nodded, pushing the food on her plate around a little. Mrs. Weasley offered her seconds, like she always does, even though Brigit had only taken three bites.  
  
"It's pointless to ask." Hermione said under her breath to Ginny. "She'll just throw it back up when she goes to the bathroom." They both snickered, and Brigit looked up, noticing that she was being talked about.  
  
"What was that?" Brigit asked, glaring at the girls from across the table.  
  
"We were just wondering how you keep you *cough*disgustingly*cough* thin figure." Hermione said, smiling sweetly at Brigit. Ginny struggled to hold back her laughter.  
  
"I just eat healthy, exercise, you know... oh, wait. You *wouldn't* know." Brigit said, looking Hermione up and down quickly. "I could tell you my diet, you look like you need it." She put on a sickeningly sweet smile. Hermione just sat there, with her mouth open. How dare that wench call her fat! She quickly got over it, and put on an evil smirk.  
  
"So, what's your exercise? Sticking your finger down your throat?" Hermione said. She could hear Fred and George snickering on the other side of the table. It was amazing how everyone else in the Weasley family was well aware of just how horrible Brigit was. They made fun of her, like enemies are obligated to do. But Ron, the stupid prat, had absolutely no idea that his Barbie girl was a total bitch. Poor, stupid, adorable, sexy Ron.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
~Herbie- Hooray! I'm on your favorites list! That makes me so happy! You can tell, cause I'm using a lot of exclamation marks!!! Anyways, thank you so much for the review. I'm glad you still love it!  
  
~Pixi Punkrocker- Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Pixi, happy birthday to you!!! Heehee, anyways, onto the response... mutant sheep? Cool!!! I want one! Maybe I can buy you one, or make one in a laboratory, for your next birthday.... you don't like Harry Potter? Me neither. He's an egotistical butt head who craves for attention. Bastard. Anyways, I like making him less annoying in my fics. But I don't havta do that to Ron. Cause he's hot and nice all on his own.... lol, my therapy fic, you liked it? cool. Yea, I figured hitting Dumbledore with a banana would be interesting. It just seems like the perfect fruit to hit people with... and to make sexual innuendos about.  
  
~awonkachonka- I'm sorry that you were in a bad mood :( But I'm glad that this story cheered you up. But studying and being tired isn't a good combination and usually results in a bad mood. Don't worry. I've been there. I feel your pain. You know what always cheers me up? Chocolate :) heehee, yummy.  
  
~eedoe- Yes! Ginny and Draco gooooooooooooood. Ginny needs a bad boy, and Harry seems to enjoy being single... at least, in my story..... Dung flinging bunnies? Cool! I wouldn't wanna be around them after they go to the bathroom, tho. That'd be nasty!.... sorry that Harry didn't go to the Burrow. How's your heart? Still standing? I hope so.  
  
~Lily Michelle- *sigh of relief* thank God you don't hate me..... no, Viktor will not be going to the Burrow. Or, at least I don't think he will be.....all I've got to say to your many questions is; you'll find out soon!  
  
~Foags- "[Krum] is worse then malfoy in my opinion.... at least malfoy's hot, right?" I love the way you think! I mean, who would you rather have; a blonde, bad boy bombshell with an ego, or some ugly, slouching bastard who doesn't have a reason for his ego?..... thank you for all of the compliments!! You make me smile :) teehee..... so, you think there's gonna be 'huh-huh' at the Burrow? You're probably right. But what if Hermione decides to ignore all of the feelings and leaves Ron a horrible mess? ...That'd be interesting... but every guy knows the answer to that problem; joey: "Alright Ross, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?" Ross nods. "Strip joint!"...... I agree with you about the first season not being as good. And I am jumping for joy about the 4th season being out on DVD! I have all of the others, this will just add to my collection..... about my herm/Draco fic, I m sooooooo in writers block mode on that one. Like, I know what I wanna happen, I just don't know exactly how to write it down. You know? If you have ANY ideas, e-mail me or IM me please! My sn is LRAangel2.  
  
~a fan- omg, I never knew that lack-of-story could kill someone! Someone, call 911!... anyways, thank you so much for the review, and for the compliment on my writing :) I'll try to finish the story quickly!  
  
~E. stell- Oh my gosh, you are so nice to me! Thank you for everything you said. I hope it continues to be a great story. I'd be happy to e-mail you. Thank you so much for the review!  
  
~princessflowerchild- Of course I like your story. You're an amazing writer. You MUST e-mail me if you have anymore random stories. I'm glad that you like my story! I'd dance around as well, but I'm too tired. So I'll just settle with this; *waves arms madly and makes animal noises*  
  
~phoenixdreams- Glad it's funny. This plots moving? Hooray! I was hoping that would happen once I change the scenery a bit.  
  
~Straycat- Don't worry, I get both of your reviews. I'm glad that you like the responses :) About the fire-breathing chipmunks; lets just say that after about a pound of sugar and 2 weeks of studying, they don't seem that out of the ordinary.... about Brigit: "I'm guessing that brains are sold separately and Ron didn't wanna waste his money" lol, omg, that is so funny and describes it perfectly.... sticking a pin is Brigit, the human blow up doll, actually sound very good right now. I think I'll try it. Either she'll blow away, or she'll bitch slap me. It's worth a try.  
  
~east of the shore- Here's the update! No need to threaten me at my home. Course, that'd be kinda cool. I mean, it'd be like having a stalker and isn't that every girl's dream?  
  
~Athene- lol, I know. Aren't you surprised that Ron learned how to talk on the phone. It only took eight years. Poor boy, it's a good thing he's hot.  
  
~RoN-RoX- I'm glad that you decided to read this story too! I'm glad that you like it, and that you didn't fall asleep reading it. Thank you so much for the review!  
  
~Sliver Dragon Princess- I'm so happy you love it! Hilariosity? I'm not sure what that means, but I'll assume it has to do with something being funny. Sorry, my vocabulary is about as big as a midget. Thank you for the compliment about me being a great writer. Teehee, it made me smile :)  
  
************************************************************************ BTW: If you want me to e-mail you when I update, just tell me your e-mail address in the review. I'd be happy to. 


	9. Getting What You Want

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story except the plot. But I would be willing to trade that for any of the MALE characters in Harry Potter. Just something to think about, Mrs. Rowling. Plus, Stacy (mysterywriter) helped me with this whole story (plus many others) when I got writers block (which ALWAYS happens).  
  
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Chapter 9: Getting What You Want  
  
Dinner was.... disturbing. It was as if Brigit had a split personality. She was a complete wench to Hermione, but a perfect angel around Mrs. Weasley. But, thank the gods, Mrs. Weasley was no chump. She could smell a fake twenty miles away. And Brigit had A LOT of fake on her.  
  
After dinner, Brigit helped Mrs. Weasley clear the table. Which, basically, meant that she would spill things all over the tablecloth. "Mrs. Weasley, the dinner was absolutely scrumptious." Wow. Scrumptious. Nice vocabulary. But, at least she didn't call Mrs. Weasley 'Ron's mommy', like she had all throughout dinner.  
  
Mrs. Weasley didn't even acknowledge Brigit's presence. Oh! Denied!  
  
About a minute later, Brigit tried again.  
  
"I can tell were Ron got his good looks." Brigit said sweetly.  
  
Mrs. Weasley sighed loudly and looked Brigit square in the eye.  
  
"Brigit, will you please climb out of my butt." Mrs. Weasley said, completely seriously. Brigit seemed at a lose for words. Though, I'm sure a few four lettered words were running though her head.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Meanwhile, Hermione finally got her chance.  
  
She had just been in Ginny's room, laughing about Brigit (it's always better to make fun of someone with another person). Hermione was walking down the stairs, with tears still in her eyes from laughing so hard.  
  
"Hermione, can I talk to you?" Ron asked, grabbing her arm a little harder then necessary.  
  
"Sure." Hermione said, a little confused as to why Ron felt that he needed to cut off all of the circulation in her arm. He pulled her down onto a couch in the living room, and sat down next her. He had an almost painfully serious face on.  
  
"It's about Brigit." Ron said, trying not to glare at Hermione, and finally letting go of her arm. "I really don't understand why you had to say all of those horrible things to her."  
  
Hermione tried with all of her power to suppress the giggles that were threatening to come out of her mouth. She forced the corners of her mouth to stay down. The mention of Brigit's name triggered a switch that unleashed all of the conversations she had had with Ginny, Harry, or even herself about Barbie. Just a few minutes ago, Ginny had mentioned that the air in Brigit's head, not to mention the silicon in her boobs, could have aided so many drowning people. She should have been around during the time of the Titanic.  
  
Trying to hold back the laugh that was forming in Hermione's throat was no easy task. She to bite her lip and keep a straight face. Tears were welling up in her eyes because of the laughter she was trying to hold back. Ron noticed, but took it the wrong way.  
  
"Hermione, what's wrong?" He asked, thinking that she was crying. Hermione just shook her head, fearing that if she opened her mouth, laughter would come out.  
  
"Come on Mione, you can tell me." Ron said, looked really concerned. Hermione still didn't answer.  
  
She suddenly got an idea. "It's.... about Krum." Hermione said, making her laughter sound like sobs. Ron seemed to buy it. "He... broke up with me." Now, this wasn't a complete lie. Hermione was the one to break up with Krum, but, five minutes later, Krum announced to Hermione that he was breaking up with her. This was to retain his dignity. The dignity that Hermione stripped from him seconds later when she laughed in his face.  
  
But, onto the feeling-sorry-for-herself plan. Hermione figured that if Ron thought that Krum had crushed her heart, then he would be sympathetic. And, don't you know, sympathy is very intimate. You're close and you're crying and pouring your heart out and he comforts you and it's intimate. Plus, Ron will know that Hermione is available, and, since he will be comforting her, he won't have time for Brigit.  
  
"Krum broke up with you?" Ron asked, his brow furrowed in concern. Hermione nodded and sniffed back some fake tears. Ron put his arm around her shoulder and made soothing noises as if she were a baby.  
  
"I'm so sorry Hermione." He said. Hermione tried with all of her energy not to get all hot and bothered when Ron placed his hand on her thigh. God he was adorable when he was concerned. His sapphire eyes were big with pity, and he had that I'm-listening-to-you-so-go-ahead-and-pour- your-heart-out face on. "When did it happen?" Ron asked, snapping Hermione back to reality. She caught herself before she accidentally said, "What happened?" and took a second to remember what they were talking about. Hermione forced herself to stop staring at Ron's gorgeous face, and focus on the floor.  
  
"After you left." Hermione said a little too dryly. She hastily followed it up with a few sniffs. Finding that she was all out of tears, Hermione quickly started thinking of some of the other things Ginny had said about Brigit just a few minutes ago.  
  
Fear and panic taking over, Hermione completely forgot every word and witty comment she and Ginny had traded up in her room. So she thought of another plan. How would she feel if Ron and Brigit got married? And didn't invite her to the wedding? No, scratch that. They invited her to the wedding, and told her to bring a guest. But Hermione didn't have anyone to bring. Because she was all alone and no one loved her.  
  
Hermione suddenly burst into tears. Real tears. They were full of hate and self loathing. Hermione had somehow convinced herself that Ron and Brigit were getting married, and no one loved her. Damn she was good.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"... and then he told me that he was leaving me for someone else." Hermione bawled. For nearly an hour, she had been making up sob stories about the break up. And, if I do say so myself, she was rather inventive. At one point, Krum had slapped her after she burnt the dinner, and ran off with her money. Ron was nearly shaking with rage, but tried his best to not call Krum all of the horrible four letter names that were running though his head. He just sat there and tried his best to comfort Hermione as she cried her eyes out.  
  
Just as Ron had wiped another one of Hermione's tears away with his thumb (god, she loved when he did that), Brigit came prancing into the room.  
  
"Ronniekins, where are you?" Brigit called in a sing songy voice. She stopped abruptly when she saw Ron and Hermione sitting together on the couch, their knees touching. She quickly shook the horrible my-boyfriend-is- cheating-on-me thoughts out of her extremely empty head. "Come on, I thought we were going to watch a movie." She said, putting on her best puppy dog face.  
  
"I'm busy right now Brigit." Ron said, sounding a little annoyed at his girlfriend. He quickly went back to comforting Hermione.  
  
"But-" Brigit began.  
  
"I'm. Busy." Ron said, glaring at Brigit for being so inconsiderate. Hermione then took that moment, as Ron was looking at Brigit with a kind of disgust, to catch Brigit's eye, and smile as she stuck her tongue out at her.  
  
Brigit's mouth dropped and she glared at Hermione with the utmost hatred.  
  
"She's faking!" Brigit yelled like a four year old, pointing at Hermione. Hermione continued with her crying, and Ron looked from Brigit to Hermione, and back again.  
  
"Brigit, I can't believe that you would say something like that." Ron said, looking thoroughly disappointed. "Hermione is upset, and she doesn't need you acting like a child." Brigit pouted at this remark, and crossed her arms over her extremely large chest. "Why don't you leave and come back when you are going to act like an adult."  
  
"But Ronnie-"  
  
"Leave." Ron said strictly. Brigit opened her mouth to say something, but thought better of it as Ron increased his glare. So she simply made a 'humph' noise, and stomped away like an angry hippo. Hermione was having so much fun watching Ron tell his girlfriend off, that she had totally forgotten about crying. She decided that now was a good time to stop the water works, however, because Ron was probably getting sick of it.  
  
"I'm so sorry about her." Ron apologized, placing his hand on Hermione's thigh nonchalantly. "She can be so immature sometimes."  
  
Well, what do you expect when she had the brain capacity of a five year old. "It's fine." Hermione said, holding back her real thoughts and giving a halfhearted smile.  
  
"So, how are you?" Ron asked. Hermione decided it was best not to answer, leave something to the imagination. Plus, she wanted to chisel the look on Brigit's face into her brain.  
  
"Mione, don't worry about Krum." Ron said, gazing into her eyes. Hermione felt her whole body go weak. "He's an idiot for not loving you."  
  
"So are you." Hermione muttered. She couldn't help herself, but suddenly regretted it.  
  
"What?" Ron asked, looking confused.  
  
"I said.... thank you." Hermione said, smiling like that is what she had said all along. Ron obviously bought it, because he smiled too.  
  
"I meant every word." Ron said, holding Hermione's chin, their faces inches from each other. "Any guy would be crazy not to love you." Hermione couldn't hold back anymore. The feeling was filling her body and making her head dizzy. She couldn't think straight, and did the only thing she knew she wanted to do. She leaned in.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
okay, here are the thank yous and responses.  
  
Private I- THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT! I DON'T BELIEVE THE BLONDE STEREOTYPE! I use to be blonde, and I have tons of blonde friends, so, believe me, I have nothing against them. Please don't be mad about what I said! I didn't mean it! It was just a way for the Hermione character to let out her anger. To tell you the truth; tons of girls wanna be blonde. That's why so many ppl bleach their hair and stuff. I'm really sorry if it offended you! And yes, I have seen Legally Blonde multiple times. I actually love it, and know most of the lines (which is typical for me). Haven't you heard that blondes have more fun? I think the blonde stereotype came with Barbie. She was normally blonde, and people just wanted to find something wrong with her; since she had a perfect body and everything. PLEASE DON'T HATE ME!!!!! I'm so sorry!  
  
~Arctic Squirrel- Sorry chapter 8 was so short! This one might have been longer, I donno. I hope it was! This was going to be the last chapter, it was 11 pages, but then I made it into two chapters. So only one chapter left before it's over!  
  
~eedoe- Okay, here's your reminder; never piss off your rabbit ever again. Now, onto the interrogation. What did you do to it? did it bite off one of your limbs cause, even though that would be painful, it'd still be funny....sorry, anyways, Draco running off with Brigit? That'd be good for Hermione, it'd be heaven for her actually. But why put poor, adorably sexy Draco through that kind of torture?.... haha, bulimic barbie! Just put food in her mouth and, magically, it come back out again!!!  
  
~Silver Dragon Princess- I would be ecstatic if you went and bitch slapped Brigit! In fact, I might just join you....don't worry, there's no way I'm ending this story without Hermione and Ron getting together. If I have to lock them in a closet to do so, then I will!... actually, that's not such a bad idea....  
  
~Herbie- Awww, don't be sad! I really doubt that there's a girl out there that's like Brigit. I mean, wouldn't someone have killed her by now?... I agree with you on the thing where when some ppl have a good life, yours sucks compared to there's. Maybe, just to make Hermione feel better, I can make Draco gay or something. That'd be pretty devistaing, don't you think? Course, I'd probably spin into deep depression because that would completely take Draco off the market, and I don't think I could handle that. *sigh* all well, there's always Ron *wags eyebrows in a suggestive manner*  
  
~Foags- 'huh-huh' in the Burrow? I'll try to arrange that... they are each others lobsters!!! *does the lobster claw very enthusiastically* It's like destiny, right? The only thing that could mess this up would be if Ron does the unthinkable. If Hermione asks if she looks fat, and Ron actually looks, then we have a problem... Chandler: Okay, well. Janice said 'do I look fat today?' And I looked at her... Ross: Whoa whoa whoa. You looked? You never look. You just answer. It's like a reflex. Do I look fat? Nooo! Is she prettier then I am? Nooo! Does size matter? Rachel: Nooo! Ross: And it works both ways.... But I don't see that happening. Ron's too smart to do that... I think.  
  
~Athene- I think you've just found that solution to our bulimic "friend"'s problems. The twins fudge! If her mouth is forced shut, then she wont be able to stick her finger down her throat again! Plus, I'm sure everyone around her will be in a much better mood once she cant talk any longer. Thus, making the world a better place. *sigh* nice work!  
  
~f0xygrandma15- Heehee, this story just wouldn't be any fun without the evil people, which, I assume, is everyone. Brigit isn't so much evil as she is stupid and annoying. But, with the right amount of annoyingness, it could be considered evil to some people. Some people being me, who is planning the death of our dear Brigit at this very moment. Heeheehee... it feels so good to be evil. I think I'll do it more often. Now... lets see... shall I have her fall down an elevator shaft, or just walk into a wall and die (as we all know, she's not the brightest lightbulb in the ceiling.)  
  
~E.stell- I'm glad it's still exiting! Hermione with the finger thing? Haha, yea, you'll find that she can be quite feisty when it comes to boys that she wants. Or, basically, anything she wants and another girl has. But we all have to mark our teretory, right? I mean, at least she didn't pee on Ron or something. Cause that might cause some controversy.... not a bad idea though....  
  
~Pixi Punkrocker- sorry it was so short! I think this one was just as short, but all well. Meaningful? Really? Cool!!! I've never been meaningful before. I suppose it did shine the light on Brigit's true form. Bitch form. Worse then Harry? Harry's goooooooood in this story! Notice I said THIS story. I hate him in the books. He's such a whiner. You're parents died, get over it! Boo woo, I live with a fat cousin and there isn't enough room for me in the house! *sob* please love me, I'm a pathetic orphan who takes all of the credit whenever something good happens..... sorry, just letting out a bit of anger there.... A.B.O.O.B, hahaha! That's sooooo funny! I love it!... your friend mistakened a cow for a sheep? Hm. Could have happened to anyone I suppose. They seem pretty similar. Both have hair... kinda. And they both make weird noises when participating in sexual intercourse....wow, I bet you didn't wanna hear that. all well, prepare for the worst when talking to me.  
  
~Ron Weasley- Or COURSE Ron and Hermione get together! why the hell not! I'd die before I didn't have a happy ending! So stop worrying... seriously, stop. You're freaking me out. I can see you through my computer screen cause I'm really a witch and have put a spell on it so I can see people through it. So, stop worrying. If you're going to worry, worry about dieing before Saturday. No, I'm not threatening you, silly. I'm just saying that if you die before OOTP comes out, that would be very sad. But, not to worry, me being a witch and all, I will bring you back to life! *evil cackle*  
  
~OtterMoon- yea! Happy dances! Those are always pleasant. Mine involves spinning around till my vision has been affected, and then bumping into random walls... but everyone's is different... tell me your ideas of what to do with Brigit! I was considering something to do with cement shoes, a Britney Spears CD, and VERY loud speakers. Not to mention lots of maple syrup and insane monkeys with rabies. Any thoughts?  
  
~Sally- Drooling over Ron? Aren't we all? Adorable bastard doesn't know a thing about girls, but you've gotta love'em!.... Thank you for the compliment! It made me blush :) Now I wanna give you a hug! Here, we'll hug out computers at the same time, and it will be kinda like a hug. Ready? 1..2..3! *hugs monitor* .....*sigh* the power of love.  
  
~princessflowerchild- I read your fic Poppy Flowers and could not stop laughing!!!! I love it! Hermione going mad is the best thing ever! I love the things she writes down and, now that I think about it, Snape IS like Elvis! You're a genius, I love your stories. Anyways, thank you so much for the review, have fun camping and going to the shore and reading HARRY POTTER! Bwhahahaha! I'm going to lock myself in my room until I finish OOTP. It'll give my family a nice vacation.  
  
~Straycat- haha! I love the Friends quote. It reminded me of another one of the episodes.... Rachel is drunk and leaves Ross a message that she's over him (when he's going out with Julie) even though they've never gone out. Ross checks his messages at Rachels, and she tackles him when he's listening to it, but he still hears. Ross: you're over me?.... but when were you... under me?..... lol, they must recycle their jokes. All well, they're still funny all the same.... you'd have my back if I bitch slapped Brigit? Cool! I could use a pair of sharp nails. It would get the popping over faster. Not that we want it to go quickly... the bitch needs to suffer *evil grin*  
  
THANK YOU SO MUCH TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED!!!!! I'M SO HAPPY THAT I HAVE 100+ REVIEWS, I DON'T THINK I'VE SMILED SO MUCH IN MY LIFE!!!!!  
  
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yes, I quoted Friends yet again. It's disturbing, I know. It was the 'please climb out of my butt' thing. I just needed something for Mrs. Weasley to say that would make her tell Brigit to stop sucking up.  
  
BTW: If you want me to e-mail you when I update, just tell me your e-mail address in the review. I'd be happy to. 


	10. The End! for lack of a better name

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story except the plot. But I would be willing to trade that for any of the MALE characters in Harry Potter. Just something to think about, Mrs. Rowling. Plus, Stacy (mysterywriter) helped me with this whole story (plus many others) when I got writers block (which ALWAYS happens).  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Chapter 10: The End! (for lack of a better name)  
  
"Hermione, I-" Came Ginny's voice from the stair way, but was quickly cut off with a gasp. She saw Hermione and Ron, sitting on the couch, with their faces centimeters from each other. But at the sound of her voice, Ron and Hermione both jumped back, away from each other, and looked at the floor with guilt written all over their faces.  
  
"What is it Gin?" Hermione asked, sounding very annoyed. Ginny mouthed a few noiseless words, and finally sighed.  
  
"It's.... ummm... nothing." Ginny said uncomfortable. Ron cleared his throat.  
  
"I....umm.... should...... go help mum with supper." He said, getting up and half running in the opposite direction of the kitchen. Which was probably all for the best, because supper was over hours ago.  
  
"I'm so sorry Hermione." Ginny said once her brother left. She ran over to the couch and kneeled down next to Hermione.  
  
"It's fine."  
  
"No it's not."  
  
"I know." Hermione sighed, looking up at Ginny. "But I guess it's all for the best."  
  
"No it's not."  
  
"I know." Hermione sighed again, this time with more force. She got up and started pacing. "Why does something always have to happen?" Hermione asked.  
  
"Ummm.....well....." Ginny stammered.  
  
"That was a rhetorical question."  
  
"Right." Ginny said, blushing a little.  
  
"I mean, first Krum comes barging in when we were about to-"  
  
"No!" Ginny shouted, holding up a hand, signaling Hermione to stop. "I'm happy *without* the mental picture, thank you."  
  
"What, you don't want to hear that me and your brother were about to Shag. Like. Dogs?" Hermione asked slowly, pushing her face close to Ginny's.  
  
Ginny sighed loudly. Well, it was more of a scream. "Thanks for that." She yelled.  
  
"You deserved it."  
  
"For what?"  
  
Hermione stood there, jaw on the floor. "Were have *you* been? Remember? Walking in on Ron and I?! Interrupting us when I was about to-"  
  
"Okay okay! I get it! I don't need a frame by frame recap!"  
  
"Sorry." Hermione said, her voice softer then before.  
  
"If you like him so much, then why don't you just go and kiss him right now?" Ginny asked, receiving a were-you-born-yesterday look from Hermione.  
  
"How did you ever get Malfoy to like you?" Hermione asked in disbelief.  
  
"Excuse me?" Ginny yelled. "What is that suppose to mean?"  
  
"You don't just go up to a guy and kiss him!" Hermione yelled, looking at Ginny like she was insane. "Especially when he doesn't know that you like him."  
  
"Okay, remind me again, how does Ron not know yet?"  
  
"Because you're brother's as thick as a brick wall." Hermione said. Ginny nodded in agreement.  
  
"So go tell him that you like him." Ginny said simply. Hermione's jaw again found it's way back down to the floor.  
  
"I'm beginning to wonder if you and your brother have more in common then I thought." Hermione scoffed.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because you can't do that!"  
  
"Why not?!"  
  
"Because.... I don't know! It's a rule!"  
  
"Where did you read this rule?! What, is there a rule book for dating?"  
  
"Yea, it's called common sense."  
  
"Hermione," Ginny sighed, finally using her indoor voice. "what if he likes you? Do you really want to waste all of this time apart when you might be perfect for each other?"  
  
Hermione didn't know what to say. She knew that she loved Ron. She'd always loved Ron and would no matter what he did or said. The only question was, did he love her? Did he get that tingle in the pit of his stomach when he saw her? Did his brain suddenly forget how to hablo ingles when she was around? Or was she just kidding herself and leading her heart down another road that could only end with her being miserable.  
  
"Hermione?" Ginny asked. Hermione, who had been looking off into the distance for a while, snapped to attention and looked at Ginny with confused eyes. "Are you going to..."  
  
"Yea. I think I'm going to go tell Ron." Hermione said, smiling nervously.  
  
"Oh, I was just going to ask if you were going to puke, but okay." Ginny said. Hermione eyed her curiously. "You were looking a little queasy." Hermione nodded, feeling how she looked. She took a deep breath and started toward the kitchen, only to come back a few seconds later with a lost look on her face.  
  
"Ron's in his room." Ginny said, trying not to smile at how blind Hermione's love made her. Hermione blushed, muttered a thank you, and proceeded up the stairs. Her heart was beating so hard, she swore that it was making the house shake. But Hermione forced her feet to walk up the stairs, one in front of the other. Panic swept over her shaking body when she reached Ron's bedroom door.  
  
Hermione reached for the doorknob, but suddenly stopped midway. Her hand recoiled as if it had been burnt. She stood there, debating whether or not to turn back. She finally raised her hand and knocked, very lightly. Hermione prayed that he hadn't heard, and had just turned to leave, when a voice broke through the silence.  
  
"Come in." Ron's muffled voice commanded. Hermione considered pretending that she hadn't heard him, but decided against it. She slowly opened the door and stuck her head in. Ron was sitting on his bed, reading a book. He quickly looked up, and smiled when his eyes landed on Hermione. She breathed a sigh of relief. At least he wasn't disgusted by the sight of her. That was a plus, right?  
  
"Hermione." Ron said with a grin. She loved it when he said her name. The name that Hermione had hated for so many years, sounded like a priceless jewel when he said it. He made 'Hermione' sound exotic, like it was another language.  
  
"Hey Ron." Hermione said, cursing herself for blushing at the pure sound of his name rolling off of her tongue. Ron didn't take his eyes off of her as she stumbled through the doorway. He put down his book, and stood up, all smiles.  
  
"I..... need to talk to you." Hermione stuttered. She hated how stupid she got around him. Hermione Granger; class valedictorian, esteemed head of the Ministry of Magic, Order of Merlin first class, official bookworm and more commonly known as Ms. Know-it-all, couldn't even remember her native tongue when Ron was in the room.  
  
She searched every inch of her brain for the words to describe how she felt for him. Ron stood there politely, silently looking on as Hermione tried to remember how simple English grammar worked. She pounded all of the cheesy lines that came straight from movies out of her head. "You complete me" and "you had me at hello" were forced from her brain, out her ear, and landed hard on the floor. She didn't need those unless she was really desperate. And, I mean, REALLY desperate. If she opened her mouth, and animal noises came out, then she might have to pick those lines up off of the ground, and stick them back in her head, only to come out of her mouth seconds later.  
  
Hermione took a big, reassuring breath in. Just get it out. Like every intimate thing she'd had with Ron, it'd be over in a few minutes. "I.... I've been thinking about something for a really long time." She started stupidly, but not knowing what else to say. "And it'll drive me mad if I don't get it out soon..... I've been having these.... feelings for some time now.... and if I don't tell you, then I think the guilt and jealously is going to eat me alive." Hermione, who had been focusing on the floor, finally glanced up to see if Ron had caught on yet. She begged every higher being that he had, because she didn't have any more confidence left, and the only thing she wanted to do at that point was curl up into the fetal position and disappear. But Ron just looked at her with a furrowed brow. Normally, Hermione would find this irresistible, and want to shag him right then and there. But, at that very moment, she was completely devoid of energy, and wished that someone would run in, tap Ron on the shoulder, and whisper in his ear what Hermione was desperately trying to say.  
  
"Ron," Hermione began again, with a shaky breath. "I... need to tell you something...." Ron looked rather alert by this point. Hermione took another reassuring breath, but found that she didn't have any left. She didn't have anything left to drive her, and tell her that she was doing fine and needed to tell him. Her motivator was gone on a coffee break, and wasn't going to be back any time soon.  
  
"Okay, well, I better go." Hermione said, quickly turning to go. Ron gently grabbed her arm, stopping her from leaving through the very welcoming door that was screaming at her to exit right then and there, and save herself from anymore humiliation.  
  
"Mione," Ron said, making Hermione melt. She loved it when he called her that. It made her feel so special. Like he had taken many grueling hours out of his day to think up that name for her. She felt like a princess when he called her 'Mione.' As if everyone loved her. Well, as if Ron loved her. Which was all that mattered.  
  
Hermione slowly turned around, finding her face to be only a few inches from Ron's. She could feel his breath on her cheeks, making her flush. Hermione was caught up in a dream world that was Ron's face. His eyes were pools of water that she seemed to be drowning in. But she didn't care. It was the best sensation she could have imagined. She felt light headed, and couldn't control the words that were tumbling out of her mouth.  
  
"I.... I think I'm in love with you." Hermione heard herself say, feeling drunk on the mere color of Ron's eyes. She didn't even understand the words that traveled from her mouth to Ron's ears. But she didn't care anymore. Her feelings were completely exposed and she didn't feel any of the pain that she had been preparing herself for. Ron didn't answer, but he didn't have to. The look on his face was enough. His eyes, which had Hermione's full attention, crinkled up as a smile occupied his face. The sapphires in them danced, reflecting the fire of his joy.  
  
Hermione was so caught up in Ron's face, and the feeling that was taking over her body, that it took a few second for her to feel Ron's lips on hers. But she didn't fight it. She kissed right back with such intensity that the entire world around her melted away. It was only until she heard the cry of a particularly wenchie Barbie, that she felt herself being pushed back into the cold waters of reality.  
  
Hermione reluctantly pulled back from the kiss to see if her worst fears had come true. And, low and behold, there was a rather red faced Brigit, standing in the doorway. Hermione expected Ron to jump fifty feet away from her and act like nothing had happened, like he did whenever someone walked in on them. But he didn't. Ron stood there, his arms still around Hermione, waiting boldly to see if he was going to get bitch slapped.  
  
Every Weasley in the house came rushing to Ron's room when they heard Brigit scream. Ginny stopped dead when she saw Hermione in Ron's arms, and a huge smile spread across her face. She gave Hermione a little wave, which Hermione returned, not being able to help the smile that was tugging at the corners of her mouth. Sure, Brigit was probably going to murder her in her sleep, but Hermione had just confessed her love to the guy she had been crushing on since first year. A huge, guilty burden had been lifted from her. And she finally felt like she could stand up straight and proud, knowing that Ron loved her back.  
  
"What the hell is going on here?!" Brigit screamed. Ron just smiled, and pulled Hermione closer to him. "Ronald Weasley, you better explain yourself right now. I have never been more disappointed of you in my whole life... well, maybe that one time at the carnival when you failed to win me that stuffed bear. But this is a close second!" Aaaaand the blondeness shows though. "How could you? And, why would you want to?" Brigit asked with disgust. Oh, honey, don't go there. "I mean, look at her." Never hit a lady. NEVER hit a lady. "I'm not sure if you understand this Ron, but I'm a MODEL." She said, talking slowly. "And she's..." Don't you dare. "She's..." I WILL kill you. "She's... such a nerd." Hermione smiled proudly at this statement. Ron didn't seemed convinced by Brigit's argument. In fact, he seemed even more attached to Hermione the more Brigit talked. "If you pick this bitch over me, I'm going to-" and that was about the times Fred decided to cut in. He roughly stuffed a piece of fudge in Brigit's opened mouth. She looked rather puzzled as to, once she bit down, she couldn't open her mouth. Hermione couldn't help it, and doubled over in laughter. Ron quickly followed.  
  
Everyone in the Weasley family watched, through teary eyes, as Brigit made pathetic noises and looked around helplessly, her eyes as big as dinner plates. She looked like a frantic, but well dressed, deer caught in headlights.  
  
"Fred, that was a terrible thing to do." Mrs. Weasley said in between fits of laughter. She tried her best to sound strict. "Please go fix our guest." Fred obeyed, and everyone left, leaving Ron and Hermione alone.  
  
"Well, that was just about the funniest thing I've ever seen." Hermione commented, turning back to Ron.  
  
"I know." Ron laughed. "It's nice to see her with her mouth shut for once."  
  
"Why did you ever go out with her?" Hermione asked.  
  
"Because I was in denial." Ron said truthfully, gazing into Hermione's chocolate brown eyes. "I didn't want to admit that I was in love with my best friend, so I went for girls who were the complete opposite." Hermione smiled.  
  
"I'm sure Brigit and I have something in common." She said with a laugh. "Has she ever read Hogwarts: A History? Or does she just stick to Dr. Seuss?"  
  
"I'm serious." Ron laughed. "You two are polar opposites. I mean, Brigit spends hours in the bathroom, doing her hair and makeup. She's such a girl when it comes to spiders. And she won't go out of the house without looking in the mirror a hundred times. But you, you are different. You don't care what other people thing." He said, cupping her face with his hand. "You wear what you want, when you want. And you don't do all of the girly shit that everyone else does."  
  
"Are you saying that I'm not a girl?" Hermione teased. "I thought we cleared this up fourth year."  
  
"No." Ron laughed. "You are definitely a girl. You are all girl." He gave Hermione a once over and wagged his eyebrows. She laughed and rolled her eyes. "But you are your own person. That's what I love about you." He gazed into Hermione's eyes again, a permanent smile on his face. "It just took me a while to realize that."  
  
"Yea, twelve years." Hermione scoffed. But Ron cut her off by placing his lips on hers.  
  
Finally, everything was perfect. Brigit was going back to her Barbie mansion, and Hermione was with Ron. It was the way the universe had intended it to be. And, if not, then Hermione had the bitchyness she needed to change it. Ah, bitchyness. Never leave home without it.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Athene- lol, you are so right. Ron is rather violent, isn't he? All well, I figured I'd make him a bit of a Gandhi in this story. I mean, I already swear like a sailor, so why add violence to that? Besides, I'm mad at Krum at the moment, so I don't want him appearing in my story just yet. Not that I have much of a choice, since this story's already finished. But, maybe, in a parallel universe, some alien is writing the same story, and decides to have Krum killed by Ron's hired thugs. Ooooo, that'd be good. I'll have to check the internet for that....  
  
Pixi Punkrocker- Is this long enough? I hope so, I have some sort of disability where my hands wont let me write long chapters. Well, not really, but it's a good excuse, right? I totally agree with you on the Harry front. He could use a trim... and, in OOTP, he's such a bastard, and his ego has grown to match Malfoy's. You thought the cow and sheep thing was gross? Well, you're among the majority.  
  
Elizabeth Frost/Angelic Ashley- You are a genius, and, in case you don't know by know, I m bowing down to you at this very moment. Having the breakup scene would have been fun! But isn't breaking Krum's confidence always enjoyable? That would've been so good! *sigh* all well, I guess you readers will just have to use your active imaginations to picture Krum breaking down in tears like a five year old girl.... damn that would've been fun to write!  
  
OtterMoon- The first one you suggested, where Krum falls in love w/ Brigit, me and my friend Stacy were thinking the same thing! But I didn't wanna bring back Krum, cause he's annoying. So I settled with this ending. But this is pretty close to your 3a. suggestion! Thank you so much for all of the ideas!  
  
Awonkachonka- :) I'm glad the Friends line was funny coming out of Mrs. Weasley, I was hoping it would be, but some people don't like it when you don't use your own lines. But, screw those people!... You read my mind when you said I wouldn't write till after OOTP came out. I spent 15 hours one day just reading OOTP so that I could finish it quickly and get back to writing. I'm still not done, but I couldn't wait any longer to write this!  
  
Mimi- *cringes* I'm sorry! I didn't mean to put another blonde stereotype in the apology for the first blonde stereotype! God, I'm so bad with this kinda stuff. I'm sure blondes have just as much fun as the rest of us *smiles* please don't hate me! I love all hair colors equally! Even people without hair! Stupid Brigit! It's all her fault! If she wasn't blonde and stupid, then this never would have happened. Damn Brigit's educators! Damn them all!  
  
E.stell- I just read the 2nd chapter of your story, omg, you better write more soon! It's sooooo good! There are so many questions that I want answered!!!!! I'm having the same reaction about your story that you had about mine... WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO TO ME? MORE! NOW!.... see? It's contagious. Thanks for calling me a great writer :) and, yes, flattery works so well. Nice, work, I'm very proud.  
  
Foags- haha! I know you'd know the Friends line!... happy? No gay Draco. I agree that he's a hottie, and I'm sure many men feel the same way. BUT HE'S OURS!!!! HANDS OFF!!!! And same goes for Ron!... no more waiting! OOTP is out!!! I read it for 15 hours yesterday with only two half hour breaks. I'm only on chapter 20 something, and I wanna know who dies!!!!! I bet it's Dumbledore. My sister, who doesn't even like HP, found out who died and is now rubbing it in my face. Grrrr!... sorry for giving you the horrible excuse for male jewelry that Joey gave Chandler, but in my case, in the form of a story. But, you know, if I *did* give you the "women repeller", then we could put it to good use. Just put it on Draco's wrist and BAM! no other women will like him and he's all ours. And if any girl comes by him, we can scream, "In the words of A. A. Milne, 'Get out of my chair, dillhole!" - Chandler talking to Joey. Except, in our case, it would be 'get off of my man, dillhole.' I think it'd have the same effect, don't you? *smiles innocently*  
  
Arctic Squirrel- Cliffhanger gooooooooooood *nodes head enthusiastically* cliffhanger very gooooooood. Why, you ask? Because us fanfic writers (members of the COFFWWJLTSYO a.k.a the Confederation Of Fan Fiction Writers Who Just Like To Screw You Over) love to see you squirm *evil grin*. We have meetings every full moon in an underground cock-fighting ring. There, we discuss how to make our reader's lives miserable, and, also, how ink comes out of pens. I mean, what is up with that? Once it comes in contact with paper, it's just like BAM! and you have ink! One of the many wonders of the world.  
  
RoX-RoX- How could I leave it there? Well, my lack of a conscious comes in very handy when it comes to leaving readers in suspense. Plus, the COFFWWJLTSYO demands that we do it (see Arctic Squirrel's thank you).  
  
TheSilverLady- oh no! Billy's on fire! Someone grab the water!... on second thought, grab some wood. I got me a nice little bond fire here.... what? I'm not aloud to sacrifice a child so that I can have a decent fire? What is this world coming to?.... see, I can be random too. Heehee.  
  
Princessflowerchild- To tell you the truth, I think that that thing with you and your friend Sma is so cute! You guys read it together! *squeals* that's adorable. Sorry, I know I'm acting weird. Anyways, how far are you on OOTP? I got to ch. 20 something, but now it's just getting depressing. stupid Harry and all of his problems. Who do you think is going to die? I think it's Dumbledore, but I'm probably wrong, cause J. K. Rowling is very unpredictable in her writing. Have fun reading with your friend!  
  
LittleRoo- :) heehee, mystical words? cooooool! As long as my words are English, I'm happy. But mystical, wow, that's so nice! Thank you! I guess mystical fits in really well with the whole Harry Potter thing. Him being magical and all.  
  
Talia-Moon- why does Hermione have a cell phone? Because she lives with muggles (her parents), so I suppose she got all of the muggle perks. And how could anyone live without a cell phone?! Mine's like my air.... wow, that's a little dramatic. But still, who wouldn't want a cell phone? Besides the fact that they give you brain tumors, they're fantastic!  
  
Mini veela- me so happy you like my story! Me smile lots when me read your reviews.... wow, it's like house elf talk except cooler! That's it, I'm abandoning my native tongue and talking mini vela talk from now on! Heehee, me like it already.  
  
Cassandra- Glad you like it! I think I'd cry if you didn't :( Just kidding, that'd make me a wimp. Or, at least, it'd make me a girl. Which I already am, so I don't think anyone would notice. But maybe it'd make me more of a girl. You know, like, bigger boobs and everything. Hmmm... I could use some of those..... wow, crying isn't such a bad idea after all.... *begins to bawl and looks hopefully down at chest*  
  
Herbie- Sorry for the nasty cliffhanger. But, nasty's good, right? I hope so.... No need to fret, I didn't make our beloved Draco gay. He's a fine specimen, and I would never dream of taking him off the tables to millions of horny girls. Me being one of them, of course.  
  
THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED AND HELPED ME THROUGH THIS STORY! I COULDN'T HAVE FINISHED IT WITHOUT YOU!  
  
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A/N: THAT'S IT!!!! So lame! I know :) I'm so proud of myself for finishing this! *pats self on back*.  
  
THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED!!! YOU ALL GAVE ME MUCH NEEDED CONFIDENCE AND THE ENERGY IT REQUIRED FOR ME TO FINISH THIS :) 


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